


curve

by kxdlola120



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, Female Kaisoo, Internalized Homophobia, Jongin is really hot, Kyungsoo is really awkward, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Relationship, Lesbian Sex, but they work it out eventually, happy ending :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxdlola120/pseuds/kxdlola120
Summary: Falling in love never tasted this bittersweet, but you make it worthwhile.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	curve

"Guess what!"

Kyungsoo takes her earphones out, twisting in her seat until she can see her best friend standing at the door of her classroom, grinning from ear to ear. 

"Yeah?"

Baekhyun chuckles, stepping inside until she's behind her, and Kyungsoo now really has to turn around to face her. "Guess!!!" She pesters, loving too much that she's the only one with this information. Beside, Kyungsoo has to work for it, as it's about her in the end.

"Hmm... You asked someone out?"

Baekhyun plops down on Kyungsoo's desk, spreading her legs until the space in between is enough for Kyungsoo to put her phone down or lean on if she wants to. But she doesn't, and Baekhyun presses it more. "It's like you're not even interested.."

"Well, if this is about Chris from next door, then I already know you two hooked up—"

"It is!" Baekhyun beams. "But not really about him, but his best friend, actually."

Kyungsoo's glasses slip down to her nose when she looks up. There's a bewildered look painted on her face, before she bursts out laughing. "Are you going through some kind of a list, Baek? You seriously can't be with two friends at the same time.." She shakes her head, putting her stuff back into the backpack. They have maybe a couple more minutes before the next class, and Kyungsoo doesn't like to be late. Even though the next class is literally next door. 

"It's not that, Kyung! Plus.. " Baekhyun has her devious smirk on, like loving the game she's playing, and Kyungsoo doesn't want to be here when she gets burned.

She's already on his way out when Baekhyun pulls her by the backpack and shuts the door soundly. "You have to guess!"

Kyungsoo sighs, rearranging herself on the professor's desk instead. Her school uniform rides up on her thighs, but Baekhyun doesn't mind. They've seen each other naked before. "What? That you're banging both?"

"Nope!" She pops the word with a wiggle of her eyebrows, and Kyungsoo blinks. ".. then you want to bang both—"

"Chris' friend asked about you! He seems to have a crush on you, precisely."

Kyungsoo looks to the side, avoiding answering back. She didn't see this one happening, actually. And judging by her best friend's behavior, Baekhyun's pushing things in this direction as well. Baekhyun seems excited out of her skin. But she doesn't get to react or turn the offer down, because Baekhyun pushes her out to the next class, already listing her plan on how they ought to sit down so she can get close to her crush. 

"But I don't even know him." She reasons, shushing down when they walk in next door, where a group of guys look up from the corner of the room, before hurrying back to their seats. Kyungsoo doesn't know which boy exactly has his eyes for her, but has an idea when she spots Chris staying back with one of them.

Without waiting for Baekhyun to push her to the said boy, Kyungsoo goes to the back of the class just in time for the professor to come in. Baekhyun's left in the middle of the classroom where Chris beckons her to sit with him, and Kyungsoo snickers when her best friend's face falters.

"Miss Doh?"

"Yes, Sir?" She realizes her position too late, having been the only one left standing, and looks around for any available seats. There's one in the row next to Baekhyun, and she doesn't look too much into it, but her friend is calling her to take it, because 'that's the boy!' sitting right next to it.

But she quickly apologizes when professor asks for her seat, and drops down to the closest seat possible, right next to her left, and nods her head when professor starts the class, letting her tardiness slide. 

Kyungsoo realizes a bit too late that the desk she's just unceremoniously dropped down on isn't completely available as she first thought, and realizes another girl is sitting on its left side when she looks to the side. 

The professor is talking about something—Kyungsoo can hear his steady voice teaching—but she doesn't get to listen to it for that long, because her attention is caught on the girl sitting next to her.

First the figure is slumping on one of her arms, not really paying attention either, but is turned away from her, promptly looking out the windows on their left. She didn't even look up when Kyungsoo sat down, and something keeps Kyungsoo's focus a bit longer on the way her hair slides down over her shoulders. 

This classroom is one of Kyungsoo's favorite because wide windows open up to the greenery that the school's backyard is packed with, and it really is a sight for sore eyes. The girl must think the same, Kyungsoo concludes, because she doesn't flinch even when the professor passes by Kyungsoo's right side, the closest he can get to both of them. 

Kyungsoo keeps her focus on the blackboard in front, but the girl piques her interest as well. Glancing casually a couple of times, she fears of being caught. So she tries to write down everything, watching as the girl beside breathes out steadily, moving her long, thick hair out of her face. She stays turned away from Kyungsoo for the most part. 

After tremendous hour and a half, the class is finished with professor handing assignments for the next week, before dismissing everyone for recess. Kyungsoo takes her backpack swiftly, just as Baekhyun passes by her and pulls her out in a hurry, begrudged that Kyungsoo missed her shot.

"Are you that blind?"

Kyungsoo looks back when the students start going out and about their day, and tries to meet the girl that didn't even glance at her throughout the whole class. She's curious, that much Kyungsoo's willing to reveal. 

"I was literally poking out those poor boy's eyes with my fingers, but you chose to stay in the back!"

When they arrive at the cafeteria, Kyungsoo takes the end of the line for food by default, as Baekhyun continues to talk to nobody, really, moving their things to the usual table in the back. 

"And to think that I already had a plan in motion, but you didn't—" Baekhyun's voice trails off as she walks away, and Kyungsoo looks around. It's easy for her to blend with the crowd, especially in a place like this, and Kyungsoo takes that to her advantage. 

Usually, she doesn't dwell too much on the students of their school because everything is so... normal. Usual. There are the popular kids, jocks, cheerleaders, band nerds, just nerds, sci-fi nerds, sci-fi geeks, just geeks, cool floaters and those that try to be cool floaters but in the end don't find their clique, goody two shoes, art kids, music kids, theater kids, drama kids, also those obsessed kpop kids, emo and goths, normal ones that just want to finish and move on from this hellhole, anime and manga lovers, stoners, preppy kids that have their parents' money to relay on, preppy kids that want to be popular, and finally loners. 

Kyungsoo identifies with them the most.

But even when she goes through every group on his list through the room, she still doesn't find the mystery girl from the last class. And when she thinks about it, she also doesn't find a reason to find her in the first place.

Bewildered, Kyungsoo goes back to their table in the back where Baekhyun's already talking with someone on the phone, silently thanking her when Kyungsoo drops her tray as well. 

"Was there no chicken today?"

Kyungsoo shakes her head and dives into the soup of the day. Baekhyun goes back to her call, twirling a lock of her hair as she talks. "I know, right. She messed it up!" A quick, disappointed look at her best friend, before Baekhyun smiles again. "And we did it all for nothing!"

"Chris, I assume." Kyungsoo asks, and gets a nod in return.

"He has P.E. now so we couldn't meet, but yeah. He says that his friend is sad. You made him sad, Kyung."

Finishing with her soup, Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "I don't even know him."

"He's super cute, Kyungsoo!" She hears Chris on other side of the line, before Baekhyun repeats the same and snickers when Chris comments something else next. 

She tunes them out and focuses solely on her meal. The girl is still on her mind and it bugs her to no end. Why is she so adamant on finding her? It's not like Kyungsoo wants to make new friends, since she's left with only a couple of months before the graduation. And the girl didn't pique her interest as someone interested in being her friend, either. 

Kyungsoo tries to focus on Baekhyun when she finishes the call, basically kissing her phone before saying goodbye to Chris.

***

Kyungsoo feels silly, really. 

It's a new week, a week closer to her graduation, but that's not what's on her mind. Her next class is with Chris and his friend, but again, not the fact that keeps bothering her that much. Baekhyun and her boyfriend have been trying really hard to get Kyungsoo and the poor boy with the crush in the same room for the last seven days, but if she's good at something, then dodging her responsibility that don't seem like her responsibility are at the top of the list. 

No, what's been on Kyungsoo's mind for the past couple of days is that she gets to share the class with the mystery girl again. In the middle of thinking about her side profile and hair that seemed so fluffy and soft with the daylight peeking through the strands of her curly bubble gum pink hair, Kyungsoo has come up with several nicknames that she tried to use whenever she thought about having actual conversation with the mystery girl. 

Since she didn't know her name, Kyungsoo tried to match some names to her profile and soft hair, but nothing seemed right. So the mystery girl was simply left as Fluffy. Kyungsoo liked it. 

Back to her dilemma. The class finished with the professor wishing them a good day ahead and leaving them to pack. Baekhyun has been glancing at Kyungsoo throughout the whole class with that stupid teasing smile dancing on his obnoxious face, knowing that the next is shared with Chris and his friend, but she didn't pay him any mind. Fluffy is going to be there as well. 

So Kyungsoo checks her reflection, locking her phone to the dark screen, and tries to keep her hair in check, but her onyx bangs keep nudging her glasses off. There is no time, though, so she hurries along with Baekhyun to the next class, ignoring her friend's pulling to the boy that wants to meet her, and instead drops down on the desk from the previous week. 

The girl isn't there yet, and Kyungsoo looks around the classroom—avoiding Baekhyun's stabbing eyes—but doesn't see her anywhere. What she does see is their professor greeting everyone from the classroom door as he walks in, closing the door behind him. 

'Maybe she's not coming today,' Kyungsoo thinks, feeling something shifting in her chest on the thought. But just as she tries to focus on the today's topic—right after their professor picks up their assignments from last week—the door bursts open and startles everyone. 

Kyungsoo's eyes widens. Fluffy!

"Miss Kim! You're ten minutes late!"

Fluffy shuffles at the door, kicking her leg when the professor calls her out, and looks around while the man waits for an answer. She doesn't look at Kyungsoo, but she doesn't mind it, because Fluffy is here and Kyungsoo finally sees her whole face. 

And she's... beautiful? Can she even think that about someone of the same gender, Kyungsoo ponders, barely listening to the exchange between Fluffy and their professor. But she tunes in in the last moment and hears Fluffy's voice finally. 

"Sorry, the printer downstairs is broken. So I had to go to the shop nearby—"

Her voice is nice, Kyungsoo thinks. Thick with sleep, she briefly wonders, but then thinks that maybe that's her normal voice. It's not sweet and tiny like most girls', but it's velvet and deep. It doesn't matter, because Kyungsoo likes it. It suits her appearance, she realizes. 

"Sit down, Miss Kim. That's enough."

Fluffy gives her printed assignment to their professor before moving back to where Kyungsoo's sitting. Shit, she panics. But before she can advert his eyes, Kyungsoo looks up just as Fluffy tilts her head, looking her right in the eyes as she rounds the tables and moves to sit on her seat. Kyungsoo pulls herself as far as she could go away from the other girl. 

Professor thanks them for being punctual with their work and goes back to the lesson. But Kyungsoo doesn't listen. 

She's hyper-aware of the girl next to her. She doesn't say much, and continues to look out the window, but Kyungsoo's scared to make a mistake. Kyungsoo's barely breathing, not trying to get any attention on her, but briefly glances at Fluffy from time to time. Her hair is even messier today, like she raked his fingers through it numerous times, all curly at the ends, but Kyungsoo wishes to touch it even more now that she really focuses on it. 

Her side profile is still the same, but Kyungsoo focuses on the slope of her nose first, watching how it dips just slightly at the bottom, right where her nostrils flare out, creating a cute perky tip that she wants to bop—wait, what?

"Are you done staring?"

The hushed whisper breaks her out in cold sweat when she realizes that the voice belongs to Fluffy next to her.. Which also means that she's been caught.. pretty much staring at another girl that also doesn't know her and probably thinks that she's—

"And now you're overthinking it.."

Kyungsoo blanches, pushing her glasses up until the border digs into her nose and tries to focus back to the class. Fluffy doesn't speak but Kyungsoo sees that she glances at her a couple of times, and she feels hot underneath her collar all of a sudden. Fuck, what was that!?

When she looks back at Baekhyun, her friend isn't looking at her, but rather tries to talk to her boyfriend that seems to be ignoring her, and Kyungsoo concludes it has to do something with her. Probably something about his ignorance when it comes to Chris' friend, but Kyungsoo doesn't really have it in her to even try to get to know him. 

He's not really her type—even though Kyungsoo still hasn't met him—but she knows that she wouldn't like him. Now that she thinks about it, this way of thinking doesn't make a lot of sense, but she doesn't have anything else to offer instead. She's just... not feeling a relationship right now. She has her degree to focus on, after all. And she doesn't want to flunk her previous work in these last couple of weeks. Yeah, that's right. She just wants to focus on her studies instead. That's right! That totally makes sense! That—

"Kyung! What takes you so long?"

She's woken up from her daydream by Baekhyun's voice, and Kyungsoo shakes her head when she realizes that she's the last one in the classroom. Right, their class is over, but that also means that—when Kyungsoo looks to the side—Fluffy is gone! 

Kyungsoo's mode is sour for the rest of the day. 

***

It's Wednesday again. Which means that Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have the least amount of classes in a week, and that they're done for the day around 2:30PM. Which again, makes Kyungsoo so happy, because she wanted to binge-watch this new anime that is said to be similar to her favorite anime of all time—

"We're going to a party tonight!"

Kyungsoo's head whiplashes. "What?! How come?"

"Chris and I were invited to Sam's party tonight, and he said how we have to bring you too!"

"Who's Sam?" So much for her peaceful night full of sport anime. 

Baekhyun tilts her head to the side, giving her the stink eye. "The guy that's head over heels for you? The one that is literally throwing a party for you?!"

Kyungsoo's face scrunches. "Why would he do that?"

Baekhyun slaps her head upside-down. "Because he likes you, paboya! I don't know what else to do with you, I swear to God himself—"

"I wanted to watch this new—"

"You are not watching anime when there's a human boy waiting for you!"

Kyungsoo's face is still scrunched up, but now in pure disgust. "... Human boy? Baek, what kind of boy waits for me usually?"

"Some anime stud that is drawn only for girl' desires and wet dreams, duh!"

"Baek, do I have to remind you of your favorite anime? And just how different it is from my favorite genre which just happens to be sports—"

"Okay, fine! But we're going tonight and that's final!"

Kyungsoo watches her go, waving with both hands, before turning the corner on her street and leaving Kyungsoo for two more until she's home as well. Just as she mutters under her breath how this is such an inconvenience, her phone beeps from her back pocket, and flashes Baekhyun's name boldly. 

"We just went separate ways, Baek—"

"I can hear your begrudging pouting even from here!" Kyungsoo looks around, but speeds her walk. "And I'm coming later to fix you up!"

"Fix me up?" Now she's running back home. And Kyungsoo hates sweating. 

"Yeah, you have to dress to impress!"

"But who am I supposed to impress?"

Baekhyun deadpans on the other line. "Sam, Kyungsoo!"

"Who's that—Oh! Yeah, him.."

Kyungsoo curses throughout the rest of the day, especially when Baekhyun comes back later with a suitcase full with her outgoing clothes that she makes sure Kyungsoo goes to try everything out. 

Baekhyun dresses her up like a pretty goth girl with black stockings meeting her short denim skirt and almost see-through pink velvet shirt that she tucks like Baekhyun has taught her. She feels silly to walk out like this, especially when she puts on some Lita suede boots in the same color as the stockings, but Baekhyun's jaw drops, saying how she would kill! for her thighs. 

With her glasses in the case left at home and her hair pulled up and out of her eyes, they're on their way, and Kyungsoo really wishes she was back home with her precious anime. 

***

Half an hour in and Kyungsoo's out of options. When they arrived at the party, she was pushed to the kitchen for a drink before she found her way to Baekhyun and her boyfriend. And there was his friend as well. Sam? Pam? Kyungsoo couldn't remember right, because she's been trying to escape ever since. 

She was twice in the kitchen, chatting with one of her friends from Math class, before he spotted Baekhyun in the crowd, probably looking for her. So Kyungsoo ditched Yixing and moved to the backyard, where most people of the party resided. But her cover lasted for only about ten minutes before Baekhyun asked about her whereabouts and some of her friends pointed at the game of beer pong that has been going on for a while. 

So Kyungsoo escapes from backyard as well, before climbing up the stairs to the second floor, looking around for any available rooms. Just as Baekhyun moves back to the kitchen, Kyungsoo busts in the first room that doesn't have weird sounds coming from the other side, and closes the door behind her with a thud. 

She stops to look around, thankful that she finds it vacant like she suspected. The room is mostly dark, with artificial light peeking through double terrace sliding doors, and she thinks this will be the perfect place to hide in for the whole night. 

But just as she moves to jump on the bed and maybe catch her anime on her phone, the sliding doors open up and let someone in. 

And Kyungsoo's jaw drops. 

"Fluffy!"

The girl looks around, before focusing back on Kyungsoo. "... Fluffy?"

Kyungsoo sobers up. "I mean... It's you!"

"It is I.." Fluffy teases, shutting the door behind her and leans on them instead. "Big, scary... fluffy?" She cracks a smile, before laughing full on to Kyungsoo's mishap. And the girl on the bed is sure she's blushing. Wait?

"Why are you here?"

"Why am I Fluffy, though?"

Kyungsoo gasps. "I asked first!"

Fluffy smirks, before she slides down until she's sitting on the carpet, still pressing back to the glass door. "I'm older!"

"Nah-ah! How do I know that?"

"I'm nineteen!"

"I'm nineteen as well!"

"My birthdate is January 14th!"

Kyungsoo hollers. "Huh! Mine is January 12th!"

Fluffy chucks her head to the side, amused by her answer. "Really? I was sure I was your senior.." Kyungsoo smirks, leaning back leisurely on the bed. "You're not, so answer first!"

But the girl on the carpet scratches at the back of her head, seemingly lost in thought. Just then, Kyungsoo looks at her attire, realizing they're dressed similarly. Fluffy is wearing a black mesh top, with pink leather pants, and Kyungsoo can see a pretty lace bralette in the color of her skin underneath. She tries to look elsewhere. "I forgot why we're arguing, actually."

And something shifts in Kyungsoo's chest at the sight. "Why are you here?" She repeats it. 

"It's a party. I'm invited. So I'm here." Her sentences are cut short, like it seems like a really stupid question to ask. Her pouting lips seem to agree.

Kyungsoo snickers. "I'm not asking about that!" She points to the room around them. "Why here?" 

They're still away from each other, but Kyungsoo sees her face clearly. And the girl is pretty, once again she concludes. Yeah, she concludes, she can call other girls pretty too. 

"I also don't know anybody.."

"But, you said you were invited."

Fluffy nods. "Yeah, but.." She trails off. "My friends are probably drunk in the backyard, playing beer pong or something like that—"

"That really tall one was winning," Kyungsoo comments, and Fluffy agrees. "That must be Chanyeol, then."

"And?"

Fluffy zones out before Kyungsoo's voice brings her back. "Right. Well, they're drunk and I'm not, so that's why I'm here."

Kyungsoo's brows furrows. Fluffy sees it too because she starts laughing at her lame excuse too. "Fine, fine.. I just..." Fluffy seems nervous all of a sudden. "I saw something I shouldn't have, okay."

Seeing her nervous to talk about it, looking everywhere but her, Kyungsoo decides to drop it. They're not that close, after all. She doesn't even know her name!

"Your turn!"

Kyungsoo pales. Right. "Right... "

But she doesn't say anything. "Fluffy?"

"It's a nickname.."

Fluffy laughs. "I figured." She sounds relaxed, more human like this, and Kyungsoo enjoys the sound. "It's something that I picked to call you.." She feels like her cheeks are burning now. 

"To call me?"

Kyungsoo really hates to explain it! "Well, we shared a desk back there at Mr. Choi's class and I... "

Fluffy is expectant, turning to all ears to hear what she has to say. Kyungsoo looks her directly in the eyes, finding the contact too intense. Kyungsoo feels like Fluffy could read through her soul on one hand, and feels like she could swallow her up on the other. 

Panicking, Kyungsoo shifts her focus to the duvet underneath and clears her throat. "I thought we might have something in common because I liked the view from the classroom as well.. And I didn't know your name, so I thought of Fluffy.."

The girl shifts, moving to lean on the edge of the bed instead. She's coming closer and Kyungsoo really starts to panic. "Why Fluffy?"

Kyungsoo looks between her eyes, in a trance, really. They seem pitch black in the darkness, and Kyungsoo gets lost. "Because of your hair... It seems... well, fluffy."

Fluffy moves her hand to go through pink locks, messing them up, but making them look even better like this. Fluffier. 

"My name is Jongin, though."

Jongin. Kyungsoo tests it on her tongue, feeling like she's won the prize because the name suits her so much. She didn't even think of it. 

"I don't know if you prefer to call me Fluffy still.." Jongin trails off, smiling down to the duvet. She must've really liked the nickname; Kyungsoo can only hope.

"I'm Kyungsoo."

Jongin looks up, smiling widely when Kyungsoo cuts the silence. And then, like liking what she's heard, says. "Nice to meet you, Cutie."

Kyungsoo widens her eyes. "Cutie?"

And Jongin dares to bashfully laugh, plopping her face down to the bed. When she looks up, she's all smiles. "You weren't the only one with the nicknames."

***

Kyungsoo finds out about Jongin's crush a week later. 

They're sitting in their only shared class, as Kyungsoo bitterly realized, when Jongin's phone beeps from her back pocket. She stops midsentence to see what's it about, and the biggest smile spreads on her face. 

Really, Kyungsoo shouldn't pry too much because they've met just last week, but she glances from the teacher back to Jongin when she starts typing something on the phone, smiling each time a new message pops up. 

Finally, she casually drops the question. 

"Somebody special?"

Why does she feel biter? Or rather like somebody is cutting her usual time with Jongin with inconsistent messaging that keeps Jongin on the edge, glancing down to her phone before it beeps and she smiles once again. 

Jongin ignores her at first, but after a moment too long realizes that she's been asked something. 

"Oh, just a friend."

Right. A friend. That she so grins for. 

Kyungsoo's nose scrunches at the waterdown lie and goes back to her notes. But the beeping and occasional snickers coming from her left keep her away from the class, mentally at least. She's overthinking about it again, and it's only normal that Jongin has other friends. Right. And they've known each other for a week. Nothing more. 

But then Jongin doesn't drop the phone out of her hand even when there's a complete silence in the classroom, and professor goes around giving each pair an assignment to work on over the duration of the class. 

When he nears their desk, Kyungsoo clears her throat and elbows Jongin to just drop it and focus, but she doesn't listen even then.

"Jongin! Professor's gonna see you."

Still nothing.

Kyungsoo feels something akin to annoyance prickling at her sides. "Jongin!"

"Miss Doh?"

On that, Jongin looks up, subtly pushing her phone down to her lap when the professor turns to Kyungsoo. "Is everything okay?"

"Of course, Sir." But Kyungsoo huffs out, side-eyeing Jongin as she does so, and turns to thank the professor when he's giving two papers for each. 

"Continue with your work. I want Miss Kim to help you as well." A pointed look at Jongin and the man is out to the next line. 

Jongin leans in closer when the man is out of the hearing range and chuckles. "That was close.."

"If you weren't so busy with your boyfriend, then you might've noticed that we're in class, after all." She sounds annoyed even in her own ears, and Kyungsoo isn't sure just why. She can think of a few different reasons, though. 

Jongin's quiet for a moment, and Kyungsoo thinks that she wouldn't say anything back, but then her soft whisper is back at her ear, and Kyungsoo shivers for, again, a few different reasons. 

"It's just a friend, but I wish there was something more between us."

Kyungsoo doesn't stop thinking about it for the whole day.

***

Friday evening finds her alone in her favorite coffee shop. It's two bus stops from her home, but Kyungsoo likes the evening stroll to it instead. Plus their bagels are to die for. She likes to have them with honey and sometimes marmalade and the café gives them complementary with each order. And she knows the owner ever since she was a little kid, so this feels like coming home.

As she enters, the cute barista that's been hanging out with her a couple of times welcomes her in, already yelling out her usual order. 

"Was I wrong?"

When he brings out chocolate chip cookies as Kyungsoo waits for her coffee to be made and bagels fresh out of the oven, Sehyoon sits down in front of her, stealing one cookie from the platter. 

"You're never wrong, oppa." Sehyoon flashes her a smile and asks where she's been for the past couple of days. "You're our regular, and Kwan missed having you around.."

Just as she starts to answer, another man steps out from behind the counter, carrying out her order. The coffee scent hits her nostrils first, before she sees how freshly baked bagels steam from the plate. He's all smiles, as well as Sehyoon and Kyungsoo can't help but mirror it back. 

"Kwannie!"

"My pretty Soo!" Byeongkwan comes to sit down across from her as well, making sure she can try out everything that it's set in front. "I made it extra special for you! I know how you don't like your coffee too sweet, and I added some jam as well."

And Kyungsoo's mouth waters. "Thank you, Kwannie!" 

Byeongkwan shares a smile with Sehyoon, before asking the same. "I talked to your mother two days ago and she said that you're fine, the usual. But you haven't come by the café for so long, Soo."

Kyungsoo swallows down before answering. "I'm sorry, oppa. I was busy with school."

"You had classes as well, but you missed it all!" Sehyoon bumps shoulders with Byeongkwan, before winking at Kyungsoo. "Your college is important as well."

"Not like high-school, lemme tell you."

Byeongkwan is only a couple of years older than her, but Kyungsoo's known him for as long as she was aware of herself. They grew up together and Kyungsoo even thinks of him as her best friend, someone she could go to whenever she needs advice. Or shoulder to cry on. 

Byeongkwan is also the co-owner of the café, along with his long-time boyfriend Sehyoon that likes to spoil Kyungsoo rotten. He once said how Kyungsoo was his long lost sister, because he thinks they look alike. Nobody sees it but him. 

"What's new, Soo?"

She's done with her bagel, smearing the leftover honey over the plate as she tries to think of where to start. "Well, there's something bugging me.."

Sehyoon perks up on that. "Is somebody bothering you at school, Soo?"

"No, not like that." She thinks about it. "It's just.. There's this boy—"

"Oh, boy problems," Byeongkwan shakes his head, glancing at his boyfriend. "We're very familiar with that."

Kyungsoo smiles widely when Sehyoon looks offended for a moment, like the comment is directed only at him. Which it probably is. Byeongkwan often nags about having hyper boyfriend that he sometimes can't follow. Sehyoon's thoughts are quicker than Byeongkwan's tongue. 

"Carry on."

"He... he likes me."

"And?" Sehyoon jumps up to fetch her a refill for her coffee, but he's still listening from the counter. 

Kyungsoo makes a face. "I don't like him."

"Ahh." Byeongkwan makes a face as well, sharing a look with his boyfriend. "What's the problem then?"

"Well, there's none, really. He likes me, and I don't like him back. I don't even know if he really likes me, Baek's been saying he does, but.." Kyungsoo trails off, and Sehyoon comes back just as she thinks about it, not knowing how to say it. 

"You want to like him?"

Kyungsoo looks at him. She doesn't know what to answer. Jongin's face pops in her head. "I mean.." A shrug. "I should, right?"

Byeongkwan's brows furrow. "Why 'should'?"

"How many boys have come to like me recently? Huh? Not that many..."

"That's because your generation of boys is stupid as f—"

"Yoon!"

Sehyoon pouts his lips, stealing another cookies from the platter. "You know I'm right.."

"Honey," Byeongkwan mama-mood is on, Kyungsoo briefly thinks. "You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, you know that, right?" Kyungsoo nods. "If that boy likes you, that doesn't mean you own him anything. And if he ever gets too pushy or something—"

"Call us to chop his di—"

"Sehyoon!"

Kyungsoo feels lighter. Seeing them bickering like this, she feels softer, happier, fluffier from the inside out. They're like two big brothers that she wasn't lucky to have related by blood. Until now, that is. 

"So I don't have to push myself to like him?"

Sehyoon this time answers. "You don't have to push yourself to do anything!" Then he coos from the other side, and Byeongkwan actually face-palms. "Look at my pretty Soo! She's the most cutest being ever and she deserves only the best and nothing but the best!"

Byeongkwan smiles at the interaction, and both know that it comes from the place of love. They have it a bit too much for her, Kyungsoo ponders. 

"But really, Soo." She turns to her favorite oppa. "Don't let anyone else shape your feelings, thoughts or behavior. Nobody gets to change that." Sehyoon nods at his boyfriend's words, both seemingly like two proud parents with their only daughter. 

"Plus, when you find someone to like, you would know for sure, and you wouldn't doubt if you like them or not."

Kyungsoo thinks of Jongin when their talk shifts from her problems and onto what they had planned for the café and how Byeongkwan still objects to moving in with Sehyoon. 

"That would be so much easier, don't you agree, Soo?"

"Oppa is right, Kwannie." She smiles. "Besides, it would be easier to commute to work. Plus his apartment is closer to your Uni."

Byeongkwan licks his lips, pondering about it for a moment, before dropping the truth. "Soo, you know my parents better than anyone.."

And Kyungsoo realizes the reason. 

Sehyoon seems lost for a second, expecting the answer from Kyungsoo next. "Soo?"

"Sehyoonie, they can be... a bit... unsupportive at times."

Sehyoon seems confused for a moment, before Byeongkwan takes his hand in both his. "They don't know about us, hun. And if they did..."

Kyungsoo finishes. "They wouldn't be too happy about it."

And when Kyungsoo thinks about it, she realizes that her mother is almost the same. Since she's best friends with Byeongkwan's mother, it's only natural to share thoughts on certain things. Like same-sex couples. It's not like their mothers hate homosexual couples, because Kyungsoo's mother doesn't have a bone in her body for hate, but like middle-aged women, they've been vocal about not supporting it either. 

Kyungsoo has never shared the thought with her, siding more with her father that's been more supportive of it, even having the talk with Kyungsoo about different loves and how it could affect anybody. If Kyungsoo remembers correctly, she was adamant about liking boys and only boys, reassuring both parents not to worry about her. 

For some strange reason, Jongin's head pops in her head once again. 

"But... we don't have to tell them anything." Sehyoon starts, visibly hurt. "We're business partners, right?" Both Byeongkwan and Kyungsoo nod. "And," He shrugs. "We can move in while being just that."

Kyungsoo goes to the bathroom to give them some space to talk about it, seeing the atmosphere shifting to a more serious tone. And she doesn't like to pry too much, other when they involve her as well. 

Her phone beeps from her back pocket while Kyungsoo dries her hands, and when she takes a look, Jongin's number pops on the screen. 

'where r u?'

Kyungsoo furrows her eyebrows, thinking about the reason why Jongin would text her like this. 

'at my friend's coffee shop.'

She doesn't get an answer in the next minute, so Kyungsoo goes back to her table, smiling when she sees that the couple is okay after the talk. "Have you come to an agreement?"

Sehyoon's all smiles, but he pats her hair before going back to the counter when new customers walk in. 

Kyungsoo turns to Byeongkwan just as her phone beeps again. 

'can I come?'

"We did, actually."

'sure.'

"We're moving in together," Kyungsoo congratulates him, before sharing smiles with Sehyoon preparing coffee, knowing this was a long way coming. 

'text me the address, Soo :')'

"Is your mom bothering you again?" Byeongkwan comes back with a new tray of cookies, seeing Kyungsoo's lips pouting. "Tell her you're with me, and that she better not worry,"

"It's not.. It's just.." Kyungsoo sends Jongin the address, and feels something shifting in her chest. 

'omw ;)'

'k'

"Soo?"

"Is it okay for my friend to come by?"

Byeongkwan raises his brows, sitting down across from her. "Of course, Soo.. This is a coffee shop after all."

Why is she so nervous. "Right.."

"Is this friend that boy that likes you—"

"No, girlfriend!"

Byeongkwan laughs out loud. "Girlfriend?"

"I meant, girl space friend."

He doesn't say anything else, being called by his boyfriend since the café starts filling up with the evening rush, and Kyungsoo's left alone to ponder about Jongin. It's Friday evening, which means that somebody is throwing a party somewhere, and that also means that Jongin's probably invited, because she's friends with more important people than Kyungsoo. 

Maybe she's going to some party afterwards, and she just needs some time to kill. By the time Kyungsoo's used up every excuse of her coming here, Jongin walks through the door, stopping to talk to Byeongkwan briefly. 

The older man looks between Jongin and Kyungsoo, before pointing to Kyungsoo's table. Jongin thanks him and doesn't see how Byeongkwan raises his brows, clearly full of question because he's never seen her with Jongin before. They've met Baekhyun, hung out with her a million times, even with some other friends Kyungsoo has, but never with Jongin. 

And before Jongin sits down, Kyungsoo briefly glances down to what she's wearing, not really knowing if Jongin has a party after this or not. Her long bubble-gum pink is tied in a messy bun that opens up her face completely, with a few loose strands falling down over her eyes. That's on purpose, for sure, and Kyungsoo feels jealous for a second because her hair is too short for a up-do like that. She's wearing an oversized cream sweater that's a few shades lighter than her natural bronze skin, with one side sliding down her shoulder, and black denim shorts underneath. She's in her favorite sneakers as well—as Jongin once said it was her favorite pair—and Kyungsoo really can figure out if she's here casually or something else awaits.

She's a sight to see, and Kyungsoo remembers to close her mouth before Jongin joins her. 

"Hey, Cutie."

Just at that damn moment, Byeongkwan decides to come by and ask about Jongin's order, but stops mid-sentence and turns to Kyungsoo instead. "Cutie?"

"It's... uh.. " Kyungsoo looks at Jongin, who doesn't look that confused, and instead orders the same as Kyungsoo. 

"Would that be all? Or maybe Ky— Cutie has something else to say?"

Jongin glances up to Kyungsoo, but smiles when Kyungsoo looks dumbfounded, not knowing how to connect her both worlds. Worlds? Sides of world—sides of her life—two different sides that usually don't mend together. 

Just then, Jongin leans over the table and pushes Kyungsoo's shoulder-length hair behind her ear, smiling when Kyungsoo blanches. 

"I'll be right back!" Byeongkwan goes back to the corner without an answer, and Kyungsoo doesn't even dare to look up, knowing he's with his boyfriend, probably fangirling like a cheerleader he often is. 

She's blushing, Kyungsoo's aware of it, and she dares to look at Jongin, who's all smiles, once again. "Your hair is so soft, what do you use?"

Kyungsoo swallows down, licking her dry lips, before looking at Jongin's nose, not bearing to look her in the eyes. "Um.. conditioner. And um.. some mask.. and.. that's it."

"Send me the pics, okay. I need to switch things up." Just then, Jongin pulls her hair out of the bun, letting all of her glorious locks free, before closing her eyes and acting like she's literally in a hair commercial. 

Kyungsoo stops to stare, without blinking, really, at the scene, watching as Jongin shakes her hair free, pushing her locks to different sides, before pulling them out of her face once again, ready to put it in a bun again. 

But then. "Wait!"

Jongin looks down at Kyungsoo, with her hands in mid-air. "Yeah?"

"Can I.. " She feels so stupid. "Can I?"

"Touch my hair?" And Jongin's smiling. She shrugs, moving her hand out of the locks, as she leans closer to Kyungsoo, who's sweating buckets by now, really. When she finally raises her hand to touch, Kyungsoo realizes that she was right. 

"It is fluffy."

Jongin closes her eyes for a second, before catching herself in the act, and giggling silly. "Sorry, I just like when my hair is played with."

On purpose, Kyungsoo moves her hand more to the roots of the strands, massaging like she likes to play with her hair, and after a while, Jongin closes her eyes again, exhaling softly. 

It's addictive, she realizes. Having Jongin like this—pliant, soft and warm under her fingertips. Kyungsoo focuses on her hair the most, how soft and smooth her locks are too, but glances occasionally how Jongin parts her pink lips, plumping them up even more, slowly breathing out as Kyungsoo plays with her hair. 

Her eyes are closed, lined with eyeliner like always, with some golden eye-shadow in the corners and Kyungsoo's stopped breathing. But then she pulls at the strand from the root, and Jongin moans. Literally moans right then and there. Not too loud for everyone to hear, but load enough to make Kyungsoo hyperaware.

Like being burned, Kyungsoo pulls her hand away, feeling the slight tremor in the elbow from holding it up for some time, and doesn't look up when Jongin opens her eyes. 

Byeongkwan is back with their drinks right at that moment, like he waited for their little foreplay to end, and Kyungsoo feels even darker blush creeping on her neck and cheeks. 

"Enjoy~" He sings, leaving them be, and now she really hates to be in a situation like this. She just wishes for the ground to swallow her up and spit her out on the other side of the world. Far away from Jongin, but more from her oppas.

"You're really good with hands, you know.."

Kyungsoo is dead, right? She died from the pure embarrassment and she's imagining it all. Right? She imagined Jongin saying that exact sentence!! She's got to be!

But when she looks up, Jongin's sipping on her drink idly, glancing around the café. "I like it here,"

Kyungsoo remembers to breathe. "Yeah.. It's.. nice."

Jongin looks back at her, her hair in a bun once again, with a few strands falling out and fanning her face, the bun even messier but somehow prettier than before, smiling around the straw between her teeth. "You're blushing. It's cute."

"You moaned!" Kyungsoo deadpans, like the obvious idiot she is, and then splutters when Jongin laughs. 

"I moaned, really, Soo?"

"Sorry, I—"

"I did moan, yeah." She's not fazed by it. Kyungsoo applauds her for yet another thing. "Because of you,"

That shouldn't cause a literal tsunami in Kyungsoo's head and heart but it does. And she feels like melting away. There's something else in the undertone of Jongin's voice, and like she knows what she causes, Jongin pushes into it more. 

"Did you like it?" Jongin is looking her right in the eyes, with two dark brown orbs literally reading Kyungsoo's thoughts inside out. "My hair, do you like it."

"It's.. fluffy,"

"And do you like playing with it?"

Kyungsoo feels like a deer caught in the headlights. She nods. 

"Do you want to play with it more?"

Kyungsoo nods even before understanding the question. She feels like she would agree to anything if it has to do anything with Jongin. And Jongin likes her answer. 

"Because you can—"

"Refill!"

Sehyoon comes by this time, saving Kyungsoo from further embarrassment, asking if they would like anything else. 

When he leaves, Jongin drinks her coffee quickly, explaining how she came here only to fetch her and bring her to a party downtown. "Krystal is celebrating getting her driver's licence, and I wanted you to come as well."

"But I'm not dressed for it.." Kyungsoo looks down to half of his school uniform that she was too lazy to change out of, only changing into a cotton shirt and her favorite sneakers. She's still wearing her school plaid skirt, though. 

But Jongin looks at her, before looking underneath the table to see her bottom as well—making Kyungsoo splutter at the connotation—saying how she's dressed perfectly. Kyungsoo closes her legs tighter when Jongin's head drops below the table. 

"You're always cute, and that doesn't have to do anything with what you're wearing."

Eventually, Kyungsoo pays for their coffee and her bagels, even though Byeongkwan always makes a scene when she insists on paying, and they part ways with 'don't wait too long before coming again!'. Kyungsoo kiss them both goodbye and walks out with Jongin in tow. 

She doesn't feel like partying tonight, but with a quick message to her mother, they're on their way. 

"I came on foot, mind walking there?"

Kyungsoo doesn't want to turn her down, besides she's certain Baekhyun's already there, as a quick call to her friend confirms, and not a half an hour later, they're already in Krystal's street, coming closer to booming music. They spend the time talking about whatever comes to the mind, and Kyngsoo really likes it! 

She even thinks how the party is too close by, as she wants more alone time with Jongin.

"What do you want to drink?" Jongin asks over the bass, and Kyungsoo shakes her head, giving in to Jongin's choice. 

She brings her something light and tangy and they move to the back where living room is. Baekhyun spots them right away, coming in to hug Kyungsoo and remind her of Sam—having to remind her of who the boy is exactly—and Kyungsoo sees him for the first time. 

Before she gets to say anything, Sam walks closer to her, introducing himself over the boisterous music and starts dancing with her afterwards. Kyungsoo smiles at him, not really knowing what to do, and when she looks around, both Jongin and Baekhyun are gone. 

Sam is cute, now that she gets to really look at him, and she can see why they might seem like a good couple. But it still doesn't mean that she's interested. Byeongkwan's words ring in her head, as well as Sehyoon's, and Kyungsoo feels silly when Sam leans down to kiss her, and she moves away. 

"Sorry, I don't like you like that,"

He seems confused for a moment, and Kyungsoo briefly wonders if he's even heard what she said, but then he smiles, moving away. "It's fine. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay, we can be friends." But Sam's out of the earshot and Kyungsoo's left to stand by herself, while everybody around is dancing and grinding. And she really needs another drink. 

She moves around, trying to spot either Baekhyun or Jongin and eventually stumbles into the kitchen. Just as she pours herself some water to cool down, she hears Jongin's voice from the next room. 

"Hi, you must be Kyungsoo."

When she looks closer, Jongin's standing with a couple that is glued to the hip. She recognizes Krystal, the owner of the house, so she politely greets them, stopping to stand next to Jongin. "Hi, nice to meet you."

Krystal turns to her boyfriend, Kyungsoo concludes, explaining how Jongin knows Kyungsoo, before he proceeds to greet her as well. "I'm Minhyuk, nice to meet you."

"Congratulations for your licence, Jongin told me about it."

Krystal smiles widely, leaning in to kiss Kyungsoo on the cheek, thanking her for coming.

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and finds her annoyed face for a second. She uses the opportunity when Krystal turns to her boyfriend to ask if she's angry that Kyungsoo's here.

"What?" Jongin looks at her confused, before shaking her head. "Of course not, I brought you here."

Just when Kyungsoo starts to ask why is she angry then, Krystal calls her name. "You're so cute, Jongin was right."

Kyungsoo looks somewhat awkward when somebody compliments her and this time is no different. She glances at Jongin who picks at her cuticles, before looking up at the couple. 

But just as Jongin looks at the couple that seem in their own bubble for a second, Kyungsoo watches her instead, seeing something else flashing over her features. Anger? Disappointment maybe?

Jongin scoffs when Minhyuk leans down to kiss Krystal and Kyungsoo clears her throat when Krystal moves away after a second, giggling softly. "If you'll excuse us.. Nice meeting you, Kyungsoo! Enjoy the night!"

The couple moves to the living room where they don't get to see them, but Jongin's eyes follow them out. When Kyungsoo looks at her, she's biting her lip, looking at the floor instead. 

Kyungsoo's light bulb lights up!

"You're jealous!"

Jongin looks stunned for a second, before huffing out. "Am I obvious?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Do you think they noticed it?"

Kyungsoo looks at the threshold to the living room, catching Baekhyun hanging from Chris' hands. She seems a bit drunk as well. 

"I don't think so.."

"Do you think Krystal noticed?"

Kyungsoo briefly looks at her in the crowd, realizing that she must be one of those popular girls that everybody either wants to be or wants to be with. And when she looks at her boyfriend, he seems the same type as well. It's no surprise that Jongin feels jealous of them.

"You want something they have?"

Jongin scoffs. "If wanting to break them apart is wanting to have something like that..."

"Break... them apart?" Kyungsoo looks at Jongin again. She's watching the couple as well, and when Kyungsoo thinks about it, she did mention how she was friends with both Krystal and Minhyuk. But that also could mean that...

"You like— You said how you wanted to be something more with your friend, right? Is that Minhyuk??" Jongin doesn't say anything and instead moves to the living room where most people are dancing. She picks a red cup on her way as Kyungsoo tries to follow her through the mass. 

"Jongin,"

But Jongin stops in the middle of the dance floor, closing her eyes to dance her soul out, moving to the music with such precision and softness that Kyungsoo stops to admire. 

She's beautiful, even more like this, when the music literally decides her next move, trickles down her limbs, moving her to the rhythm, snapping her back to the bass. Whenever she drops her head down, the messy locks fall into her eyes, and Kyungsoo wishes to push them away. That one naked shoulder shines underneath the artificial rainbow of lights, making her ethereal to even be in the same room with the rest. 

Kyungsoo decides against herself and moves closer, until she's standing behind Jongin, breathing down her neck. Jongin's taller than her, 'never been an issue until now, but Kyungsoo likes the difference, now especially. She stops at her nape, watching as the muscles convulse underneath the sweater, wanting to move them with her fingertips. 

Jongin pulls her hands without turning around, dropping them on her hips and keeps Kyungsoo there, close, pressed from the back. 

And Kyungsoo starts moving to the rhythm as well, mirroring whatever Jongin does. She can't really smell anything in the throng of people and alcohol, but Kyungsoo imagines Jongin smelling like peaches and maybe artificial golden specks of glitter. Kyungsoo can almost taste it on her tongue. 

Jongin turns in her hold with the next song, and looks down to where Kyungsoo's not breathing, pulling her close. 

The taller moves her hands over Kyungsoo's shoulder, reaching out to cradle her nape, pushing one hand underneath Kyungsoo's hair. They're pressed completely, with Jongin looking down to meet her trembling eyes. "Am I making you nervous?"

".. No.."

"Why are you shaking then?"

Kyungsoo looks her right in the eyes, seeing how half-mast they are, but still focused on Kyungsoo's lips, glancing up to meet her eyes. She still has her hands on Jongin's waist, and she feels silly to do anything with them. 

But Jongin hums when Kyungsoo pushes more into her space, sliding her hands down to the small of Jongin's back. She wishes to burrow them underneath Jongin's sweater but she doesn't cross the line. 

Jongin does, though. Her nose touches Kyungsoo's for a second, before she breathes down to her lips, puckering just a bit until the softness touches with Kyungsoo's. 

She's soft all around, with sharp edges and dangerous intentions. She confuses Kyungsoo to no end. 

Kyungsoo's not breathing when Jongin moves away just an inch, looking between both of her eyes, like trying to fish out some sort of resistance, but upon finding none, she cuts the air right out of Kyungsoo's ribs. 

Kyungsoo feels her lips first before registering that Jongin is kissing her, and in that moment everything else stops.. She doesn't think about anything else but Jongin, her lips, her teeth clashing before Kyungsoo responds and kisses back, drowning in the sense of having her first real kiss. With Jongin out of all people. 

Everything in Kyungsoo buzzes. Her hands are brave this time around, moving to hold at Jongin's naked skin, shifting underneath her sweater, feeling how warm and soft her skin feels. When Jongin licks at her bottom lip, Kyungsoo dies a little bit more. 

Like having nothing else on her mind ever, she opens her mouth when their tongues meet, licking shyly before Jongin pulls her by her nape and slots their mouths together better. Kyungsoo moves out on the instinct and kisses her back like she's been doing nothing but this, feeling her whole being combusting from the inside. 

She doesn't even feel the music, hear or remember where they are, because all senses are heightened only for Jongin and for her only. Kyungsoo feels like drowning, tilting her head when Jongin inhales into the kiss, moaning softly at the back of her throat. 

When Jongin sucks on her tongue softly, she pulls her close, feeling the swell of her breasts on her own chest. Something within her shakes and when Jongin's hand drops down to her ass and squeezes hard, Kyungsoo moans out loud, realizing she's throbbing, completely wet. 

"Kyungsoo," Jongin's lips move to her ear instead, and neither open their eyes just yet. "I don't like Minhyuk. I could never like him, do you understand.."

And Kyungsoo does. "You like Krystal."

"I like girls." Jongin comes to look her in the eyes, her pupils completely blown away. "Rather, I thought I've liked her until tonight.."

Kyungsoo's hands are still beneath her sweater, inches away from where her jeans are sitting low, and she's still pretty much incoherent. "What happened?" Her pupils are blown away, breath stolen and Kyungsoo's dying to move her hands lower, just a bit. 

Jongin smirks, licking both of her red lips, making them glisten once again; Kyungsoo watching them without blinking. She smells like cherry bubble gum. "You.." She dives back in again, and Kyungsoo lets her kiss her once more. 

She doesn't realize what is happening to her, but she feels like she can't stop, even if she tried. Everything is connected to this moment, to Jongin's tongue, to scrape of her teeth as she bites into Kyungsoo's lover lip, to her hands, guiding her close, not letting her breathe deeper. Jongin makes her lose her mind. 

"Jongin," She's breathless, and Kyungsoo just then realizes that they're at the party, where probably most of their school is, and they are standing in the middle of the make-shift dance floor. Seeing two girls kissing isn't something you get to experience very often, especially not in their school where there's not much outed teens. 

Kyungsoo's not looking at Jongin anymore, and rather she focuses on people watching them, some giggling, others pointing and she really needs to leave. 

When Jongin takes a hold of her face, she's on an edge of panicking for real, but Jongin tries to help her through it. "Soo?" Jongin smells really, really well. 

"We shouldn't, we couldn't.. I—"

"Soo, hey, it's okay. Nobody cares." Like reading her mind, Jongin understands. She outed herself as well by this, and this isn't only about them kissing, but about Kyungsoo and Jongin kissing. And Kyungsoo didn't know Jongin liked girls. 

"You can't.. You aren't like this.. You aren't. I'm not like this! I could never..."

Jongin looks confused, still holding onto her face. "I can't what? Like girls?"

Kyungsoo dives back into the crowd, imagining that everybody is standing around, laughing at them, finding them disgusting. "Soo?"

"I can't, Jongin.. This isn't right.."

"Are you..." Jongin can't believe it. "Are you ashamed of kissing me?"

And Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say. 

So Jongin pressures more. "Kyungsoo, are you disgusted with me liking girls?"

But Kyungsoo pushes her off and runs out before she gets to trail her loose tongue more. 

***

Two days later Kyungsoo still feels like the biggest a-hole ever. 

She's been moping around her house ever since the party, reliving the kiss again and again. The plumpness, the softness of Jongin's lips, the way she tilted her head, kissed deep, moaned softly when Kyungsoo sucked on her tongue... how soft but firm her hands were, creating million goosebumps on Kyungsoo's neck... how she smelled, how she tasted—completely divine, Kyungsoo concludes—how she kissed back, how Jongin had to lower her head to kiss her and how Kyungsoo had to stand on tiptoes afraid of losing her touch...

… And Kyungsoo gets bothered once again. 

She pictured and imagined and thought about that kiss for the past two days, with nothing else making her busy enough. She hasn't been eating much too, and Kyungsoo feels like she's close to getting sick. 

Her heart rate is up, her chest feels heavy, like something is sitting on it, making it hard to breathe, her palms are always sweaty and her mind is focused on Jongin and nothing but her... And she wishes to do it all again. 

Jongin kisses like she's been starving for it, and Kyungsoo feels so dumb for pushing her away. 

But they're both girls. And Kyungsoo likes boys. She's liked boys all of her life—even though her life is barely eighteen years old—but she doesn't know about anything else. 

Her mother loves her father, her father loves her mother; Baekhyun has a boyfriend, and she ought to have one as well. It's just natural like that. 

But then she thinks about her childhood best friend Byeongkwan and how happy he is with his boyfriend, and nothing makes sense anymore. 

It was fine until Jongin appeared and messed up her routine. Kyungsoo never thought about Byeongkwan and Sehyoon in a negative way because she's been a witness of their love ever since they started. But that was about them, and this was about her. Personally. 

Feeling like a headache coming back, Kyungsoo huffs out, turning the music from her laptop louder as she tries to get lost in anything else but thoughts about Jongin. 

Jongin is pretty. Like a girl should be. Like Kyungsoo probably is in someone's eyes. But Jongin is more beautiful than some girls are. She's talented, smart and funny. Nobody makes her laugh like Jongin does, even though Kyungsoo's known her the shortest.

Kyungsoo's jealous of her fluffy, pink hair and how easily it falls down her shoulders. Of her height and her tanned, soft skin, her plump, pouty lips and her kind eyes. They're bottomless, observing Kyungsoo like she's the only one in the whole world every time their eyes dance together. 

And she's jealous that Jongin kisses like that, while she doesn't have much experience herself. She's jealous that Jongin smiles the widest, sleeps most of their shared classes—which they have three in total—gets straight A's without really trying, has long legs that Kyungsoo gets jealous about the most, because mini skirts look really mini on her and that on top of all that Jongin is kind, thoughtful and sweet. 

Her thighs, her soft hands, her cheeks, the perfect slope of her nose, the way she scrunches it up when she smiles, her taste in music, in fashion, in books, in movies, her taste in bubble gums, and how she always smells like peaches and rays of Sun. 

Kyungsoo's jealous of everything Jongin. 

And by now, Kyungsoo realizes that she really hates her. 

***

Kyungsoo doesn't look up when she enters their next class, listening to Baekhyun and her moaning about Chris asking her out for some weekend trip to the outskirt of the town.

"He wants to take me to his parents' cottage for a romantic getaway—" And Kyungsoo nods happily, pretending to listen closely. 

But she's hyperaware of the class and how she shares it with Jongin. Kyungsoo glances upwards to their usual desk, but finds it vacant for some reason. 

Their professor is at the end of the hall, as they've seen him before coming in, so it doesn't explain why Jongin is still not here. 

But she doesn't think about it much longer, too happy to sit alone, as Baekhyun parts ways with her, skipping over to her boyfriend. Chris nods in Kyungsoo's direction, before giving Baekhyun the sloppiest kiss ever, and Kyungsoo's reminded again how she doesn't want to kiss boys any time soon— Wait—

"Good afternoon, class. Take your seats."

Kyungsoo sits down when the professor closes the door upon entering, glancing up to see if Jongin came. But after mandatory fifteen minutes passing, Kyungsoo doesn't see Jongin running late, apologizing for coming in later. 

Something shifts in Kyungsoo's chest as she tries to follow the lesson. 

Is she avoiding her? Maybe Jongin realized how disgusting Kyungsoo was, and decided to stay away.. It would only be natural since they kissed while Jongin was under the influence of alcohol—even though Kyungsoo doesn't know how much she had to drink that night. 

Or maybe Jongin doesn't want to see her ever again so she's hiding somewhere, willing to fail a class in order not to see Kyungsoo's face ever again...

Or maybe Kyungsoo's overreacting. 

"Alright, class. This next assignment is due to a month and a half from now, and is more demanding than all of the previous ones."

Kyungsoo listens to their professor as the man walks across the classroom, explaining what they have to do and what not to do. "Don't bring half-assed works and expect to pass my subject." He turns at the board and raises his brows. "And don't tell anyone I said 'ass'."

Everybody laughs, Kyungsoo joining as well, before calming down when the professor continues with a smile. "With that in mind, I wanted to make it somewhat easy for you and pair you up—" The whole class erupts in cheers, as he tries to talk it over. "But! This one is the last assignment before your graduation." The whole class quiets down. "Which means that this one counts like the previous three or so. Very demanding to do."

There aren't many cheers left when the message comes across, and he smiles sadly, somewhat proudly, having been their professor for the whole duration of the high-school, well aware that they're parting ways soon. 

"But I know that you're all smart and hard-working to get it done. Since I have to pair you up, I don't want to create drama of who wants to be with who and who doesn't want to be with—"

Class erupts once again, everybody yelling suggestions for their pairing, before professor calls for their attention. "I mean it! Don't make me pair you up like I want to!"

As they calm down, Kyungsoo shares a look with Baekhyun, who turns around, pointing at her as her pair, but the professor drops the final bomb.

"We're not gonna think about it for too long, because I decided it would be easier—for me, mostly—to pair you up with your desk mate."

Everybody sits silent. 

"I said what I said," The man clears his throat, looking around the class. "Whoever is next to you is your partner for the last assignment. And I hope you picked your desk mate carefully."

Baekhyun is lucky to be paired up with her boyfriend, as both cheer out of glee, but Kyungsoo isn't so lucky after all. She looks to the side where Jongin ought to sit and gulps down. This is going to be interesting. 

"Class dismissed." 

Everyone starts packing up, talking about what just occurred, already thinking what to do and how to present it. Professor reminds them once again how they have to pick something worthwhile, something they're passionate about—not like that, Mr. Park!—a common topic that everybody could think about, have an opinion on, and give a presentation on why it matters, how it matters, how it affects more people than just a few and most importantly why it's important to them. 

Kyungsoo has no idea what to talk about, being too busy with texting Jongin and trying to pick her words as she goes out, following Baekhyun and her boyfriend to the next class. 

"We can talk about baseball!"

"Chris, that doesn't concern most people."

"But it should!"

'hey, we're paired up for Mr. Kim's class'

Kyungsoo pockets her phone, thinking about Jongin's answer and where she is at the moment. But she doesn't think about it for too long, because the back pocket of her skirt buzzes. 

'what 4'

Short, simple and cold. Right, Kyungsoo deserved it.

'the last assignment. I can call you to explain, it would be easier.'

She looks at the message and how it checks underneath for being read, before the bubble for Jongin's side pops up. But then it disappears and pops up a couple of times, like Jongin's writing and deleting whatever she's writing, irking Kyungsoo's already shaken nerves. 

'no need. come 2 my place tomorrow'

Okay. They can do like that as well, Kyungsoo thinks. And then tries to forget all about Jongin and the assignment, focusing on the rest of her classes instead. 

And fails in doing just that. 

***

Kyungsoo checks her appearance once again, thinking her outfit through and through and deciding against changing it. Half of her closet is already dropped down on her bed, having been deciding on what to wear for the last hour and a half, and she can't think about it for too long. 

Besides, Jongin's said how she's always cute, not matter what she wears. Maybe that doesn't apply to their newly-created situation, but Kyungsoo thinks about it the most. 

So she closes the door to her room, skipping down to pick her jacket and shoes from the foyer, before her father stops her just as she grabs the doorknob.

"Have you informed your mother that you're leaving?"

Kyungsoo turns around, nodding when her dad calls for her to wear her jacket, because it's chilly outside. "Yes, dad. I have."

"And who is this friend of yours?"

"I already told you. Her name is Jongin and we're working on an assignment together."

"Does she have an address I can write down in case—" Her mother yells from the other room, too busy with some game show on the tv to walk her out. 

"No need." She yells back, just as her father tries to say something else. "I have to go now. See you later!"

"Are you sleeping over?"

Is she? Kyungsoo's tummy flares up with butterflies. 

"Nah.." She isn't. That would mean overstepping too many boundaries. "I'm coming back before dinner, don't worry."

"Where's your bookbag?"

Right! She was too busy on what to wear that she totally forgot about books that they probably... wouldn't need? Based on the assignment alone, they probably wouldn't need actual books, but rather their own thoughts and experiences.. 

Just as she explains the nature of the subject, her phone beeps. 

'where r u?'

"I have to go!"

She's out of the house in the next second, skipping over to Jongin's house, having been there just once before. It was in the beginning, right after they met, both having to stop at Jongin's house to pick her forgotten book before continuing on their way to school. 

Kyungsoo feels like her nerves are literally on fire as she walks, thinking about what to say, how to say it, how to behave and how to apologize for her behavior back at the party. She's decided to apologize, because it was very rude to kiss someone and then push them away, leaving them be. 

But just as she tries to calm down and breathe, somebody else opens up when she knocks on Jongin's front door. 

"Kyungsoo! Hey!"

Kyungsoo's smile drops when Krystal lets her in, walking upstairs right into Jongin's room. 

"Um, hi.." Kyungsoo follows her, feeling stupid for wearing her favorite sweater and those dumb skinny jeans that Baekhyun bought for her last year, hoping she would wear them every once and a while. 

Krystal is smiling as she shows her the way, flipping her long brunette hair from one side to another, making Kyungsoo feel even dumber for trying to put her own into a bun similar to one Jongin usually wears. 

"Jongin's showering, she'll be out every second."

Krystal drops down on Jongin's bed, like owning it herself instead, and asks if Kyungsoo wants something to drink. 

"Ah.. nothing, thanks." She wants to ask why Krystal is here, but then decides not to, feeling like she's overstepping every border they have. 

It's silent for a moment, before Krystal starts asking about her day and what assignment they're working on, ever so pleasant and sweet, like she's been nothing but towards Kyungsoo ever since the party.

"You should choose wisely, you know.." She begins, flipping her hair once again. "The last one counts like half of your grade.."

Kyungsoo nods, sucking her lips in. She's even wearing a lip gloss, and now she really feels like crying. "Yeah, we have to.. work on it, really." They have more than one thing to work on, really. 

"Have you thought about what you want to talk about?"

Kyungsoo shakes her head. 

"Hmm.." Krystal thinks about it for a second, pouting her naturally lips as she does, creating more chaos in Kyungsoo's mind. Her lips don't protrude when she speaks or thinks, like Kyungsoo's do, as they're normal plumpness and shape for a girl's lips. Not how Kyungsoo's tend to be even fatter when she talks and especially if she doesn't closes them all the way. 

"Maybe something like... sports? Everybody likes sports."

Kyungsoo smiles weekly. "Yeah..."

"Or maybe fashion!" She's super excited by now. "You know, how we have some trends that people are forcing to happen again!"

Kyungsoo parrots another 'yeah', feeling awkward. 

"Oh, I know!"

"Krys!" Jongin walks out of the bathroom and into the room, towel drying her hair. Kyungsoo looks up to watch as she works the material into her hair, the dirty pink locks falling down in thick waves over her breasts that protrude through her shirt, as Jongin obviously isn't wearing a bra. 

But when she walks in, her eyes stop at Kyungsoo instead and she stops to stare. 

"Oh, you came."

"Are you disappointed that I did?" Kyungsoo jokes as she asks, totally forgetting that Krystal is still in the room, as Jongin walks to her desk, dropping the towel down to the chair pushed underneath. 

"Of course not—"

"I have to go now, huns! Work hard!" Krystal gathers her things, waving at Kyungsoo as she walks over to kiss Jongin on the cheek, yelling after her. "Don't follow me out, Ji!"

Kyungsoo looks back at Jongin, as she turns to close the door of her room, moving to her desk chair once again. She's in a cotton shorts underneath the silky white shirt, with nothing underneath and Kyungsoo catches herself briefly wandering into a dangerous territory. 

"What is it about?"

Kyungsoo blinks, raising her eyes up to meet Jongin's. "What is what about?"

Jongin raises one brow, before picking the towel to shimmy it through her hair once again. "Mr. Choi's assignment."

"Oh, right." Kyungsoo grabs at her short ponytail at the back of her hair, playing with stubby strands there. "It's nothing particular."

Jongin listens to her, humming for her to continue. "We have to find some common topic to talk about."

"Is that all?"

"Yes." Kyungsoo watches as her hands work to part hair in different ways, drying it as she goes. "It has to be something that we care about, know about..." She trails off, as Jongin leans back, exposing her chest even more, as she works in her wet locks that fall down to her bum almost, weighed down with water. 

"And?" Jongin opens her eyes when Kyungsoo doesn't speak, and can't contain a smile that threatens to blossom on her lips. "Kyungsoo, and?" She's aware that Kyungsoo's brain is close to going haywire. 

While Kyungsoo's in a daze, fishing the coherent words out. "And.. and we have two weeks to think about it..."

Jongin allows her lips to smirk in the corner. "Just think?"

"Do.. Do! Ah, not two.. more like a month and— a half—"

"Do.." Jongin nods, continuing with her hair. It's half-dried, but she picks more locks, moving them until they fall down either over her shoulders, or over her breasts. "What else?"

Kyungsoo doesn't hear her. Then, without realizing, licks her lips, hearing her breathing deep within. "What else... that's it..."

She forgets about everything, only focusing on damp Jongin and her hair and her nipples that are sharp against the silkiness of her shirt, and her thighs that part as she moves her hair to the sides, beckoning Kyungsoo's eyes to drop lower and lower. 

"That's it?" Jongin quips, humming afterwards. "That seems... insufficient to work from, don't you think?"

Kyungsoo hums, licking her dry lips once again. When did she eat all of the lip gloss she came on with?

"How do you want to approach it?" Jongin drops the towel down to the back of the chair, leaning back on it afterwards. Her legs are still parted, and just as Kyungsoo looks at them, she crosses them, hiding everything. "Kyungsoo?"

"Ah, yeah, um.." But Kyungsoo didn't even listen. "What was that?"

Jongin pouts her lips, popping them before picking at her nails. She even dares to brush them on one of the breasts, and Kyungsoo's mouth is cotton by now. "How do you want to do it?"

"Now."

That wasn't the question, both realize, but Jongin smirks nonetheless. "Really? How badly?"

Kyungsoo's not breathing, watching as Jongin has her in the palm of her hand. "How badly?"

Jongin leans down to her knees, leaning down as she crosses her arms, giving Kyungsoo access to her collarbones and a bit of her cleavage. "Yes, we have to do it, right?"

"Of course. It's important to do it.."

Jongin hums, suddenly standing up and approaching where Kyungsoo is sitting in her armchair in the corner. "Where do you want to start?"

She doesn't allow her to even think about the answer, and instead drops down to Kyungsoo's lap, her firm thighs opening up as she straddles her. "Your pick.."

Kyungsoo doesn't dare to look anywhere but her eyes, blinking when Jongin, without breaking eye-contact, grabs her chin and holds her there. "Kyungsoo~" She sings breathily, looking between Kyungsoo's eyes. "Kyungsoo," This time, she whispers it, like not bearing to break the silence between them, too indulged to move. 

"Jongin.. Jongin.." It feels good to say her name, to feel it on her lips—tongue again, and Jongin seems to like it as well, because she looks down to Kyungsoo neck, then chest, and finally to her hands that are laying in her lap, too afraid to move, to touch. 

"Touch me.."

And Kyungsoo does. She watches as Jongin looks between her hands and her eyes, waiting for Kyungsoo to choose where to touch first. Going in slowly, she moves one hand on Jongin's hip, spreading fingers until they move underneath her shirt, getting braver when Jongin inhales. 

"More.."

Kyungsoo licks her lips, parting them for Jongin to see before moving her other hand on the other side as well. Jongin's skin is soft just like she remembers it to be, firm all over, but still warm and even damp in some places. 

So she explores even more, moving until she's cupping right underneath Jongin's right breast, feeling how her ribs expand with each breath in. 

"More," Jongin's on a verge of losing her breath as Kyungsoo uses both hands to pull her close by the small on her back, watching as her nipples grow hard underneath the shirt in contact with her sweater-covered ones. She's wearing a bra in return, but she still feels like she's stepping into something more intimate with each second ticking. 

"Your hands are so soft.." Jongin breathes out at her cheek, pressing more into her as Kyungsoo dares to touch more, to explore more. 

"Yeah?" She's on a verge of losing it too, never wanting someone this much before. 

"Yeah," Jongin's head drops down when Kyungsoo moves up from her bellybutton, touching her breast just slightly. She's just tickling them from underneath with her fingertips, already feeling how Jongin grinds down, closing her eyes at the contact. 

"I wanna feel them all over,"

Kyungsoo hiccups at that, breathing shallowly as Jongin opens her eyes and looks her right in the eyes. "Come on... Be brave.."

There's too much saliva at her tongue when she swallows down, but Kyungsoo moves one of her hands underneath Jongin's shirt, loving how she sees them moving but not seeing everything right away. Just as she moves to Jongin's throat, exposing her tummy, Jongin grabs at the other hand and moves it over her left breast. 

Her nipple is sharp, but soft when Kyungsoo cups over it, shuddering when Jongin moans softly, grinding deeper into her lap. Her legs part even more, and Kyungsoo feels like dying right here and right now. 

"Fuck.." She's breathless, skin rippling with goosebumps as Kyungsoo moves her hand in circles, feeling the weight of the whole breast first, before taking both in her hands, tweaking both nipples at the same time. "Fu-uck!"

Kyungsoo's not breathing, focusing only on Jongin's tits and how heavy they feel in her hands. Without thinking, she pushes Jongin's shirt up until it bunches up underneath her throat and finally sees them in full glory. 

She's not small, in any way, her nipples coffee-colored marbles that rise in goosebumps all around when Kyungsoo breathes down on one, already hooked up on seeing them up close. 

"How are you so beautiful,"

Jongin stutters a laugh, pulling Kyungsoo head closer as she breathes down, finally snapping, taking one in between her lips. 

"Ah!" Jongin moans out loud, holding her head there as Kyungsoo sucks around the bud, watching as she unravels in her lap, closing her eyes as Kyungsoo's tongue comes out to flick it. "Don't stop!"

Kyungsoo breathes down as the bud sharpens even more, and Jongin must be super sensitive here because she holds the back of Kyungsoo's head with both hands, pulling her close. "Soo! Fuck!"

Kyungsoo was right; she tastes like peaches. She feels wet, throbbing underneath her panties just from watching Jongin chasing her orgasm, barely catching Kyungsoo's lap with each thrust, and Kyungsoo pushes her off. 

"What.." But before Jongin can say anything, Kyungsoo pushes her to the bed instead, pulling her shirt up and off. Jongin's pink hair sprawls on her pitch-black comforter as Kyungsoo follows close by, stopping to push her legs apart and drop in between. 

Jongin licks her lips, chest heaving up and down as she breathes in, and Kyungsoo can't resist even if she wanted to. "Can I?"

"Please, anything.. Please." Jongin's on a verge of screaming when Kyungsoo nuzzles into her neck first, leaving open-mouth kisses as she goes, licking underneath her chin where Jongin keens the most. "Kyungsoo.. Ah!"

She's back to her breasts, both glistening with her previous ministrations, as Kyungsoo takes a hold of both, pushing them together, making Jongin laugh. "Oh, somebody's seen this before."

Kyungsoo doesn't have the time to respond, only feeling the burn on her cheeks when she kisses both, watching as Jongin spreads her legs. "More.. More, please.."

"Somebody likes to beg.." Where did that comment come from, Kyungsoo doesn't know, but uses the opportunity to push her hand in between Jongin's legs, feeling up her pussy lips over the cotton of her shorts. "You're so wet," She says as she can't believe how wet she feels even over the shorts, making Jongin thrust up in her hand, spreading her legs wider. 

"You make me feel so horny, you have no idea.."

Kyungsoo hears the moaned whisper at her ear, as Jongin grinds into her fingers, stuttering each time Kyungsoo pushes the cotton more in between of her pussy lips. "How much,"

Jongin screams when two fingers push into her, scraping her with the cotton material she still has on, as Kyungsoo goes back to sucking on her neck, dropping lower and lower until she can suck her nipples once again. By now, Jongin's hips are raised, chasing her fingers, as she holds onto Kyungsoo's head, not letting her move. 

"Ah.. How are you so good at this,"

Kyungsoo finally moves the shorts out of the way, as the material damps in between her legs, and pushes them down as Jongin kicks them off, finding her completely naked. 

"You're not wearing underwear?"

Jongin smirks. "I knew you were coming,"

"So will you in a second,"

Kyungsoo touches her pussy for the first time skin to skin contact and dies a bit at how wet but soft she is. Jongin moans right into her ear, pulling her head until their lips meet, and finally kisses her. 

They don't go slow like the previous time, going straight to sucking onto each other's tongues. Kyungsoo massages between her lips first, feeling how Jongin's hips stutter as she moves two fingers along the seams, tickling her clitoris as she goes, pushing them into her instead. 

"Kyungsoo!" Jongin keens at the back of her throat, as Kyungsoo lies down more comfortably, pushing three fingers in and out this time around, thinking how she usually likes to touch herself. She says just that to Jongin, who moans at the mental scene that creates, breathing down how she wants to watch Kyungsoo touching herself soon. 

Her nipples are still played with as Kyungsoo works double, trying to move in the same time as sucking on her breasts, feeling how close Jongin gets each time she pushes into her. "I'm close.. So fucking close.."

"What do you like?"

"Just keeping going," Her hair is a mess as she grinds down onto Kyungsoo's fingers, stomach convulsing each time she does so, and Kyungsoo briefly believes this is how she dies. 

Or falls in love. 

Either is fine really. 

Jongin kisses her again, biting down on her tongue as Kyungsoo goes back to stimulating her clitoris, massaging with her thumb as two fingers go over the vulva, parting her until she's knuckles deep, repeating it over and over again. 

They're still kissing, Jongin's moans coming in shorter and louder each time, as her legs kick and she screams, Kyungsoo not stopping. Her fingers get soaked like never before as Jongin comes, staggering breathing, trying to come up for a breath. 

Jongin's twitches on her fingers, closing her legs when Kyungsoo starts to overstimulate her too much, and pulls her back in for a kiss. This one is soft, without teeth and tongue, just languid kiss of pure bliss being shared. 

Kyungsoo pulls her fingers out, as Jongin hands her a tissue to wipe them clean even with the thought of sucking them clean comes to mind. She wants to taste her, so badly. 

But just as she drops down next to fucked out Jongin, the pink-haired goddess is standing up, with Kyungsoo thinking she's going to get dressed and continue with their work.

But instead, Jongin pushes her sweater out of the way, and proceeds to unbutton her jeans, pulling them off. Kyungsoo gets excited for another whole reason, as still naked Jongin orders her to pull her sweater off. 

Jongin licks her lips wet when Kyungsoo stays in nothing but her underwear, loving how she's not wearing a bra, but rather a lacy bralette. "Oh, what do we have here?" Jongin smirks at the sight, seeing Kyungsoo naked as well, and loving what she sees. "Somebody is excited to see me..."

"That doesn't work with us, Nini," Jongin stops with admiring her blushy-pink buds, and looks up. "Nini?"

"I.. sorry, I—"

"No, I like it," And with a brilliant smile, dives down until she has one of Kyungsoo's pink nipples between her teeth, rolling it softly. 

"Ah, fuck!"

Now, Kyungsoo has never had another human being touching her, and whenever she played with herself, she could feel a certain pleasure, but when Jongin sucks on her breast and moves to do the same with the other, kissing and lapping over the bralette, she feels like being burned alive and then brought to life, all in the spam of two minutes.

Jongin knows what she's doing, obviously, because she manages to push her skinny jeans off, while sucking and biting, and all the while touching Kyungsoo all over. 

Her panties are off in next second as Jongin gets lower. 

Something alarms in Kyungsoo's head as she props up herself on her elbows, watching as Jongin kisses from her navel down to her thighs, biting into the soft flesh she finds there. When she pushes her thighs apart, Kyungsoo feels exposed like she's never been before.

"Wait, wait, Jongin?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"What are you..." But she trails off when Jongin, still looking her right in the eyes, licks her pussy with the tip of her tongue, flicking it until the tip gets curled. "Oh.. Oh! Wow, 'kay.."

"Can I eat you out now? Pretty please?" She's being sarcastic, not really waiting for her answer. 

And Jongin is dangerous. Really, really dangerous. 

Kyungsoo nods, like a confused being she is, and drops down when Jongin dives down completely, holding her thighs apart from underneath, pushing Kyungsoo's legs to bend in the knees. 

Her pretty hair is dry by now and is currently laying all over Kyungsoo's thighs, making it impossible for Kyungsoo to focus. But when she flicks her tongue just right, Kyungsoo screams, closing her eyes from the intensity. 

"That's right, baby girl.. Lemme hear you,"

And wow, Kyungsoo's officially dead.

"Oh," Jongin comes back to whisper at her lips, wet from the lips down to the chin. "Somebody likes to be praised, huh.."

"Shut up!"

Jongin giggles, moving back down to really eat her out, kissing at the curve where her thighs meets with pussy, giving her a big lick all the way to the top. "Oh, baby girl.. You taste so sweet,"

"Fuck!" Kyungsoo's so wet, it's embarrassing, but she can't help it. She's never been this turned on, this close to the edge with almost no touching and when Jongin's tongue enters her, she really loses it. 

"Fuck! Wait, wait," She moves away until she's sitting down leaning on the pillows instead, and gathers her breathing. "I've never.. I don't.. Fuck!"

She emphasizes the last part when Jongin giggles, having realized what's going on. "Can I have it back," Jongin crawls closer, leaning down in between her legs until Kyungsoo feels her fingers dropping down to tease her instead, as she dives in for a kiss. 

"You have no idea," She says in between the kisses, smirking when Kyungsoo chases after her. 

"Idea about what?"

"How long.." A kiss to her cheek. "I.." Another right underneath Kyungsoo's ear, making her shiver. "Wanted.."

"Yeah?"

Jongin moves down until Kyungsoo relaxes and lets her go once again. "You.."

She leaves a kiss on the areola around Kyungsoo's nipple, not touching anything else, making her lose her head. "Me..?"

Jongin smiles, nodding innocently as she gathers her saliva at the tip of her tongue and flicks the nipple with it, leaving a wet trail behind. Kyungsoo has never seen anything hotter. "Fuck.. Me.."

"With pleasure,"

She dives back down in between her legs, tongue fucking her in the next moment, as Kyungsoo relaxes once again, spreading her legs as far as they go, trying to grab anything until Jongin's hair gets underneath her hand. "More, yes.. Yes!"

Jongin goes from piercing her with her tongue, to circling her tongue around the clitoris, bringing her so close to the peak. "Just... yeah.. Ah! Don't stop!"

And Jongin doesn't. If anything, she goes even harder, slurping sounds coming to Kyungsoo's ears of how dripping wet she got, screaming when Jongin sucks hard, making her splutter when she finally comes. 

She goes numb for a second as Jongin's still eating her out, making her orgasm longer and stronger, flicking her tongue until she sucks it all and feel Kyungsoo trembling on her lips. Her head is in the clouds when Jongin kisses her navel and moves upwards to meet her lips, kissing her after wiping her lips dry. 

"How was it?"

Kyungsoo's incoherent as Jongin, in all of her naked glory, lays down over her, kissing her slowly and softly. 

"I can't think.." And she's honest, because this is... wow... "Wow!"

Jongin's all smiles as she snuggles up to her, with her hair falling down over Kyungsoo, looking more beautiful than ever. Kyungsoo says just that.

"You're the one beautiful here," Jongin hides in her neck, giggling when Kyungsoo asks her to come out. 

They're still both naked, soft and warm, kissing lazily when Jongin straddles her thigh, grinding down. 

"Uumph, you're wet again.." Kyungsoo sounds amazed if anything.

"I can't help it.." Jongin blushes when Kyungsoo looks down, swallowing when Jongin thrusts once again. "You make me so... bothered and hot and.. if you don't want to go for another round—"

"No, I absolutely want—"

Kyungsoo trails off when Jongin giggles, and starts to play with her own breasts. "—to go for as many rounds as you wish... and whoa,"

Jongin bites her lower lip in between her teeth, tweaking her nipples like she wants, grinding dirtier and dirtier on her thigh, saying how warm and soft they are and how much she wanted to suck on them. "You make me so... Ah! Kyungsoo, I need you, please.."

And really, Kyungsoo doesn't have one single atom in her whole body to oppose to that. 

Kyungsoo goes back home that evening, right before dinner, like she promised, having come for about four times before that, completely fucked out and with only Jongin in her thoughts. 

When she drops down to her bed after showering, she finds one unopened message on her phone, Jongin's name flashing above it. 

'I still feel your fingers inside of me'

Kyungsoo splutters at the message, and before she can respond, another message pops up, but this time with a picture attached. 

'they're bruised, lol'

'fuck, does it hurt???'

Kyungsoo saves the pic in a special folder that she locks with the most difficult password she has, but opens up the folder to look at Jongin's naked breasts for a bit longer, seeing how blue and purple her nipples are at some places, and worries that she was too harsh with sucking and playing with them, until Jongin responds. 

'not really..'

Kyungsoo starts typing, but Jongin really is out for her blood.

'... they're throbbing tho'

'asddkgkg don't do this to me, please'

Kyungsoo burrows her head underneath the pillows, trying not to think about what Jongin wants her to think about, but then another message pops in. 

'do what?'

There's another picture underneath and when Kyungsoo opens it, it's Jongin's face in half-darkness, laying down on her bed, still naked from how far Kyungsoo can see, trying to be all cute and innocent. 

'i'm not trying anything..'

'Nini..'

'yes, baby?'

"Fuck!" Kyungsoo goes underneath the pillows once again, not really believing Jongin's duality. Another message pops in.

'I don't think I can go back..'

'back where?'

'to us being just friends'

"Fuck." This time, Kyungsoo panics, but for another reason. She doesn't know what to say back, so she leaves Jongin on read for the longest, until Jongin breaks the silence. 

'is this goodnight'

'Soo? are you overthinking it again?'

"Yes.." Kyungsoo breathes out, not knowing what to say. Until Jongin decides she doesn't do coward silences and calls her instead. But, Kyungsoo denies the call because she's nothing but a coward that doesn't know what she wants. And it's not fair to Jongin either.

'Kyungsoo, is everything okay'

'sorry, accident'

'accident?'

'I pressed the wrong button'

'we don't have to talk if you wanna sleep.'

'yeah.'

'yeah?'

Jongin types something else for the longest, before dropping everything and ending it. 

'okay. goodnight, sleep well, beautiful'

'see you tomorrow?' 

Kyungsoo doesn't feel like sleeping because she's so nervous about everything and maybe she shouldn't've allowed anything to happen until she knew what to do and how to act towards Jongin, but she's confused as well. 

And nothing is so easy as Jongin makes it seem. 

'sure :)'

***

They don't get to see each other tomorrow until later in the evening, unlike Kyungsoo had hoped. 

In between classes that Kyungsoo doesn't share with Jongin and Baekhyun's excitement about going away with her boyfriend for the weekend, she doesn't get too much free time to think about it. 

But just before the last class finishes, Kyungsoo's phone buzzes from her skirt.

'we need 2 talk'

Almost instantly, a big smile spreads widely on her face upon reading Jongin's name in big bold letters with a little peach emoji next to it. 

She doesn't think much about it, leaving Baekhyun at the school entrance on the excuse of having left her biology book behind, waving her friend off when Jongin informs her where she is waiting for her. 

"Do you want me to wait for you?"

"No need! Hurry back home to pack for your trip!" Kyungsoo yells back, thrumming like a ball of nerves she is, and that alone makes Baekhyun grin widely.

"You're right! I have to buy a new swimsuit!"

"That's the spirit! Have a... behaved weekend, Baek."

Baekhyun winks, already messaging her boyfriend about his favorite color. "Can't promise that."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't!"

This time, Baekhyun laughs out loud, reminding her that Kyungsoo hasn't done anything. Yet.

Oh, if only she knew...

Kyungsoo goes back to the school building when almost everybody leaves, greeting some of her professors on the way to the top floor where Jongin awaits.

As she walks closer to the bathroom in the furthest left wing of the school, she checks her appearance in the front camera on her phone, applying more peachy lipstick to her lips. She puckers them after smearing it around neatly, thinking about Jongin and her lips. She usually doesn't wear any lipstick, but she doesn't have to because her natural lip color is already the pinkest of pink. 

When Kyungsoo enters the bathroom, having not seen a living soul on the last two floors, she feels completely alone.

That is until somebody pushes her into the stall from behind, making her almost scream out loud.

"Jongin!"

"Hello, gorgeous!"

"You fucking... My heart is literally out of my chest." 

"Uhh, lemme see."

Kyungsoo tries to calm down as Jongin pushes more into her space, caging her in her arms. "Nini.." She laughs as Jongin tries to unbutton her school uniform from the top, before getting frustrated and pulling her shirt open with a few buttons getting teared off.

Jongin salivates as she sees that Kyungsoo's not wearing anything in between her bra and the said ruined shirt and pulls her bra down right until the nipples, making her breasts pudge right above the edge of her bra. 

"You're wearing bras too tight..." Jongin dives down to bite at the pudge, loving how easily the skin bruises under her lips as she sucks on it more. "Oh, I wanna mark you all over.."

Kyungsoo giggles when she blows a raspberry, pulling Jongin upwards to kiss her properly. "You said we needed to talk."

"This is talking," Jongin kisses her again, loving how Kyungsoo mewls at the back of her throat when she slides her hands over her hips, snapping the elastic of the plaid skirt that is part of the school uniform. "You don't get how hot you look like this.."

Jongin's quick to put her leg in between Kyungsoo's, putting her height to good use as Kyungsoo basically sits on it, brushing up towards her panties, enjoying how Kyungsoo sighs out. 

"Do you like that?"

Kyungsoo nods, closing her eyes when Jongin works her bra down even more, revealing enough of her nipple to suck on, pushing more with her thigh.

While Kyungsoo holds onto her shoulders, Jongin puffs out more on the pink bud, making her more erect as she works a hand down in between Kyungsoo's legs, pushing her panties down to her knees.

"So pretty.."

"Jongin.." Both are still wearing their school uniform, so Kyungsoo takes off her underwear as well, but doesn't leave it pooled around her knees. Instead, she pushes it off completely and drapes it over her elbow, pushing Jongin to the opposite wall.

"It's not fair that you're so tall," Kyungsoo pulls at Jongin's hair to get her down to her height, spreading her legs naturally as she bends. "Much better." Jongin doesn't get enough time to even think about what to say before Kyungsoo's hand dives in between her legs, finding her pussy right away.

"Ah, your hands are cold—"

"Warm them up, then!"

And Jongin's mouth drops. Kyungsoo works her mouth on her exposed shoulder, before unbuttoning her shirt with one hand, sliding down until her lips mouth over her lacy bra, leaving the spot wet with how she sucks on it.

Jongin's on a verge of moaning, smirking when Kyungsoo takes one finger to enter her, bending it until she's knuckles deep, adding two more. 

"You're a fast leaner.. I must say." Kyungsoo shuts her up with a kiss, sucking on her tongue at the same time as she finger fucks her, feeling how Jongin grinds on her hand, wanting more. 

But Jongin wants to give back as well, so she pulls her shirt off, staying only in her bra as Kyungsoo kisses her shoulder, licking up to moan how sweet she is right into her ear, before dropping the shirt on the toilet lid and sitting down on it.

"Come here."

Kyungsoo smiles before reconnecting their lips in a messy kiss as she sits down with her legs spread, straddling her instead. But before Kyungsoo can say anything, Jongin bunches up her skirt right until she can see her exposed, pushing a thumb to touch the wetness first. "You get so wet..." She comments offhandedly, and in an everyday situation it would put deep redness to Kyungsoo's cheeks, but it only fuels her more now. 

"And you manage to get even wetter." Jongin smirks, too proud to know that she's the reason for it, as her thumb works along the bottom of the lips, moving up and towards the top where she pushes, watching as Kyungsoo shudders and closes her eyes. "Tease.."

Jongin moves her finger down again, barely touching, teasing really, until the thumb slips inside, opening Kyungsoo up. "You like that?"

Kyungsoo's incoherent when she nods, leaning more into the finger as Jongin moves it in and out, before switching up to two fingers that scissor her apart. 

"Oh, yeah.. More, more.. Nini~"

Jongin pushes more into her womanhood when Kyungsoo leans back, exposing everything she has. And what a sight to see. Jongin latches her mouth to her chest again, moving until she kisses the pudge that is still there since Kyungsoo hasn't taken off her bra, and instead pushes it down until she's completely exposed.

Her nipples are like small cherries, hard when she flicks a tongue over one, loving how Kyungsoo moans out loud, throwing her head back. She's enjoying herself a bit too much, Jongin realizes, but she can't get enough of Kyungsoo, her reactions, her shudders, moans, lips, teeth, tongue and how she tastes. 

Jongin pulls Kyungsoo's head back and kisses her on the lips. Just as she chases her when Jongin moves away, her dripping finger is at the bottom of Kyungsoo's glorious lip, smearing her own wetness along. 

She could come from this alone, Jongin briefly wonders as Kyungsoo's hazy eyes lick at the seam of her lips, diving in for Jongin to taste as well.

Using her opportunity, Kyungsoo stands up just enough until she pushes Jongin's skirt up and drops down at the same time as she puts pressure on her pussy lips, slowly tearing them apart with three fingers, entering her wetness quickly. 

"Ah!" Jongin bites the edge of her lip to stop the groans from being heard and grinds down when Kyungsoo works two fingers in and puts pressure on her clitoris. She drops her head down to meet Kyungsoo's, lips too pouty to even kiss properly.

"I'm really losing my mind over you..." Kyungsoo hears it but doesn't register it quite honestly, wondering if Jongin's even aware that she's said it out loud. 

Kyungsoo knows how sensitive Jongin's nipples are so she unbuckles her bra, not allowing Jongin to take it off as it stays bundled on her arms, and dives in. 

They're both three fingers deep, fucking each other on the fingers, loving how close both seem to get, only to postpone it a bit longer. 

Jongin has her head thrown back, enjoying how Kyungsoo hungrily sucks on her bruised buds, making them tingle red. She doesn't even breathe when Jongin alarms about her orgasm and how close she really is, and works even quicker in both fucking her and flicking her abused nipples even more.

It's no surprise that Jongin comes first, screaming out at her ear when Kyungsoo bends her fingers just right, feeling the sudden warmth that comes in between her legs as well, Jongin's fingers going rigid as she comes. 

She's still licking her breasts, trying to ease the pain when Jongin pulls her upwards, kissing her like she's starving, having everything she needs on Kyungsoo's tongue. 

"Fuck! You're so.. so.." Jongin's brain really short circuits when Kyungsoo brings her soiled fingers to her lips, licking them clean. "Fucking hot!"

"I didn't get to taste you yet.."

Jongin's out of breath when she leans down to laugh at Kyungsoo's shoulder, kissing it afterwards when she asks what's so funny.

"You're so cute, Soo.. So cute."

And Kyungsoo finally blushes. 

***

One day, out of the blue really, Baekhyun finally asks about Jongin. 

They're getting ready for yet another party which Kyungsoo already wants to get done with; Baekhyun's hair in a high ponytail as she tries and mostly fails to curl Kyungsoo's hair in a organized poof on top of her head. She's sweating underneath all of that heavy makeup she has on, and Kyungsoo tries to stifle her giggles as she looks at Baekhyun through her bedroom mirror. 

This time, it's a theme party, at some popular, rich kid's house yet again, but with a purpose of sort. They're really close to their graduation, and since they don't get to experience drunken rendezvous at the graduating party since nothing alcoholic is allowed, the seniors find loopholes each year, throwing their own ending party before the real one. 

But the catch each year is that some random—always popular plus rich—senior is picked to make it happen, and they get to assign the theme when they get the honor of hosting it. 

This year, the theme is so cliché that Kyungsoo really wanted to attend in the end when she thought about it. But not when they spiced it up, since most of the seniors wanted that extra sexual innuendo to go with it. So they went from throwing a simple and retro 80's themed party, to throwing a party where only three article of clothes are allowed for each guest.

And that included their underwear as well. 

Kyungsoo wasn't really looking forward to it, since Baekhyun almost went in nothing but a workout gear of sort which included just a black bodysuit with two leg warmers at the bottom. Baekhyun didn't see a problem with her outfit until Kyungsoo made her change, or include something else over it at least.

"That's not the point of three pieces, Soo.."

"Leg warmers count as one,"

"You have a problem with my revealing outfit when you're not so much better yourself."

And Kyungsoo tries to stifle a cough, knowing full well that she didn't dress with only herself in mind, like all of those previous times when she was forced to come along. 

Instead, she's been chatting with Jongin all day, going over ideas of what to wear, and how to chose carefully three pieces that they're allowed to wear. 

"But you're hot, so I'll let it slide," Baekhyun winks through the mirror, burning herself with the curler and letting out a spice curse. "I swear, your hair won't budge!"

"I like it like this, though," Kyungsoo comes closer to the mirror in front, pulling wavy curls at the bottom, and watching them springing back up. "It's cute."

"It's not bed-hair cute like we wanted, but it is cute," Baekhyun fluffs them up with combing through and sprays a bit of a curling spray when she finishes. It's better than her everyday, straight bob that she isn't able to grow out for some reason. 

Baekhyun puts her hair down, and starts combing it back. "What's up with you lately?"

"Not much," Kyungsoo goes back to her closet as Baekhyun takes the seat in front of the mirror instead, working on her hairstyle as best as she could. "I've been studying for the finals, and..." Kyungsoo bites her tongue when she thinks about Jongin, and she really doesn't have an idea how to break it to her friend about their relationship. 

About their whole 'fucking whenever we get a chance', while they try to work on their assignment along the way. So she keeps it quiet, checking her outfit instead. 

She chose some black spandex leggings that almost shine when they catch the light, with some baggy hoodie crop top that she cut off herself. The hoodie barely covers the underboob she's proudly showing since no bra fit into the whole three-piece outfit deal. 

But Kyungsoo still watches how perky her breast seem, along with how the spandex only accentuates her thick thighs and a bubble butt, hoping Jongin would think the same. 

She even pushes her sweatshirt up until the edge catches on one nipple, shuddering when she imagines Jongin doing the same. 

"Soo? Kyungsoo, are you there?"

Kyungsoo pushes the hoody down where it supposed to be, checking her reflection once again before leaving the closet and joining Baekhyun at her vanity table. "Yeah?"

"I asked you something," Baekhyun smiles widely in the mirror, checking her outfit once again. "I must say, you're smoking in that, Soo."

Kyungsoo laughs, helping her with combing over her long blond hair. She just had it dyed, so Baekhyun wants to flaunt it tonight for everybody. But mostly for her boyfriend. Speaking of which... "Chris said how Sam talks about you.."

Kyungsoo ignores the insinuation and continues to work. "Soo?" She only hums. "I saw you talking with Sam back then at Krystal's party."

"Yeah, we danced a bit," Kyungsoo shrugs, not really feeling the talk anymore. It's not about Jongin, and that's both good and bad. 

"And what did he do?"

Kyungsoo gulps. "He... tried to kiss me."

Baekhyun, on the other hand, is in a full glee. "Oh my god! And?"

"And what?"

"Is he a good kisser?!"

Kyungsoo finds her eyes in the mirror, lowering down the hand with the comb in. "He.. um.. I didn't.." She shakes her head, trailing off. Baekhyun understands right away. 

"You didn't kiss him?" She doesn't seem annoyed, but definitely surprised. "Why, though?"

"I don't like him like that.." Her hair is almost done, but Kyungsoo continues to work on it, thinking how hard her cheeks seem to burn. She doesn't even feel like partying anymore. 

"You don't like him like that? But he's into you,"

"So?" Kyungsoo finds her eyes once again. "That doesn't mean I own him anything."

Finally, Baekhyun turns around. "I know you don't, but he's cute. You could at least try it out—"

"Relationships don't work like that."

"Oh, you know how they work, huh?"

On that, Kyungsoo drops the comb down to the vanity and walks back to her closet. "Drop it, Baek. I don't like him, and I don't want to try it out."

"How would you know if you like him or not when you don't want to give any boy a chance to get to know you!"

Baekhyun follows her to the closet but stays standing at the door. "You're only hanging out with me, sometimes Byeongkwan and his boyfriend and that's it!"

Kyungsoo looks hurt, but she doesn't stop. "Oh, and Jongin for some reason."

On that, she stops breathing. 

"What's up with that, anyway?"

"We're.. working together.. for Mr. Kim's assignment,"

"Yeah, I get that, but you're spending way too much time with her—"

"I'm not. We're just doing work—"

"When you could be enjoying Sam and his—"

"I don't like him like that Baek!"

"Then who do you like, then?? Jongin??"

Kyungsoo feels lightheaded all of a sudden. If Baekhyun registers her shallow breathing, she doesn't comment on it, but instead waits for a coherent answer. When she doesn't get anything in return, Baekhyun leans on the doorframe, tilting her head to the side. 

"Wait? Do you like Jongin like that?"

Kyungsoo finally finds her voice. "Like what? I'm not gay."

"Are you sure? Because you've never even looked twice at boys that confessed to you or tried to—"

"That's disgusting, Baekhyun. I could never be..." And she feels sick. "... gay.."

Baekhyun gives her a hard stare down, before huffing out and turning to leave. "I'm waiting for you in the car." She yells before Kyungsoo's door gets closed and she stays alone. In the closet. Where she probably should've stayed in the first place. 

***

It's been two hours since they've arrived to the party, and Kyungsoo hasn't moved from the same spot where Baekhyun left her to be when they arrived. She was fine with her boyfriend as soon as she saw him, forgetting all about their talk and the palpating tension back in the car. 

And Kyungsoo hasn't seen her since then. But she doesn't mind it. She's drinking, swaying to the music that she knows by heart and loves—because the 80's are her favorite era—and just losing time until she can leave. 

But nothing seems right. 

"Kyungsoo!" She turns when somebody's voice gets louder than the music for a second, before she sees Chris' friend Sam coming closer. She tries to smile when he gets too close, visibly drunk and tries to nuzzle into her neck. "I wanna taste you.."

"Stop, you're drunk,"

"And you're gorgeous.. Why don't you try to give me a chance." His eyes are unfocused as he tries to stare her down, and Kyungsoo really doesn't know what to say. 

She pushes him off, but he's heavy, drunk heavy and leans back down until he's sucking on her neck, leaving wet kisses as he tries to kiss her. 

"Stop! Sam! Stop!"

He seems to sober up for a second, leaning back to see who's pushing him away, but gets even braver when Kyungsoo furrows her brows. "Just one kiss, just one.."

And when he grabs her chin, she gets angry. "Fuck! Off!"

She kicks him right in the groin with her knee, watching furiously when he screams and toples down, holding onto his precious family jewels. "I said leave me alone!"

Sam writhes on the floor as people turn to finally see what's happening, and in the crowd, she sees Jongin approaching her from the entrance, seemingly just getting there. "Soo?"

Kyungsoo hurries to the second floor when some of the seniors stop to help Sam up, escaping from everyone including Jongin, who's the only one brave enough to follow her up the stairs. "Kyungsoo! Soo!"

But she wipes at the angry tears that pool in the corners and runs to the furthest room down the hall, closing the door behind with a thud. She doesn't find a key under the knob, so when Jongin pulls at it and enters, she doesn't stop her.

"Soo? What happened?" She's over her in the next second, hugging her close as Kyungsoo shakes from everything, remembering her words to Baekhyun and how hurtful she was. But nothing matters when Jongin pulls her face out of her neck and kisses her lips softly. 

"Are you okay? Did that guy do something?"

Kyungsoo shakes her head, finding Jongin's warm eyes focusing on her wellbeing. But Jongin huffs out, hugging her close again as Kyungsoo relaxes in her hold, holding onto her back for the support. 

Just as Jongin tries to talk, Kyungsoo pushes her down to the bed not so far away, straddling her thighs as she goes. "Soo?"

Kyungsoo doesn't listen and instead dives in to kiss her deeply, biting down on her lips for Jongin to react. And Jongin does, kissing her back as Kyungsoo pushes underneath her tank top, twisting her nipple painfully hard. 

"Ah, Soo, wait."

"No time.. Undress!"

"Kyungsoo, not like—"

But she doesn't get heard because Kyungsoo slides down her body, pushing her legs apart as she mouths her over the panties she has underneath the tutu skirt. "Kyungsoo! It's not funny, what are you doing?!"

"What does it look like? I'm eating you out,"

"But you don't have to— Let's talk about it.."

Yet again, Kyungsoo doesn't listen to it and instead fights with Jongin in keeping her legs apart. "Spread your legs, goddammit!"

"I don't want to," Jongin pushes her out, backing away as Kyungsoo stays kneeling in the middle of the bed, looking tired and angry. "What are you doing? What is this?"

"Don't you want me to do that?"

Jongin sits back on the bedframe, looking puzzled. "What? Do what? I want to talk to you about what happened—"

"But that's boring! We're here so we could fuck and get it done with."

"'Get it done with'? What kind of—"

"Oh, please," Kyungsoo pulls her hoody off, catching a few strands of hair on the hood and pulling on them, making herself even angrier. "I'm not wearing a bra, see." But Jongin's not looking down from her face, seemingly hurt. 

"Kyungsoo, I don't see you like that."

"Like what? Someone you could use whenever your horny?"

On that, Jongin finally scowls. "Where is this coming from? We were doing so good, before—"

"Before I called you out?"

"Put your hoody back."

"No."

"Kyungsoo," Jongin pleads, pulling her close until Kyungsoo tries to kiss her again, but Jongin turns her head, looking her right in the eyes to stop and listen. "Please, let's talk about it." But Kyungsoo doesn't listen and instead pulls Jongin's hand up and to her breasts, touching herself over it. 

"Come on, touch me,"

"I don't want to, stop!"

Kyungsoo finally breaks. "When did you find out you like girls?"

Jongin swallows down, thinking for a second. She seems lost for the most part, but she still gives her an answer after a couple of seconds where she thinks about it. "In.. elementary school, I guess.."

"And what did you do about it?"

"What does that have to do with—"

"Answer me!" Kyungsoo doesn't cover herself up but Jongin isn't looking bellow her eyes anyways. "How did you know?"

After sighing out, Jongin looks her back up and finally gives in. "I had a crush on one of my friends..."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, because I didn't know what it meant back then," She seems vulnerable, and both Kyungsoo and Jongin know it's not the easiest thing to talk about, but Kyungsoo doesn't seem to care. 

"But you still knew you liked girls?"

"Kyungsoo, where is this—"

"Because I never got that feeling, that revelation.." Kyungsoo puts her hoody back, hiding herself for a second, before looking back how Jongin studies her next move, both knowing she's going for the kill. 

"I never realized I liked girls because I don't."

And there it is. Denial. Jongin knows it all too well. She even snickers at the end, releasing her pent-up frustration because of the whole situation, knowing that Kyungsoo didn't think this through. Kyungsoo seems to be putting a façade to hurt her, to demolish what they have, and Jongin is honestly scared of what she might come up with.

"Really?"

With cold-blooded face, Kyungsoo finishes. "I like boys," And then because she thinks she's allowed, "And I think you... people are disgusting!"

"Disgusting? What is?" Jongin half laughs, half snickers, not really seeing where this all is coming from, not being ready for it all. "That I'm not afraid to love who I want to love? That I know what I want? That I'm here with you, still not leaving because I still have faith that you wouldn't do this? That you can't do this!"

Kyungsoo blinks, looking between her eyes. "No, I always thought that you—"

"Do you think that when I'm tongue deep in your cunt?"

But Kyungsoo doesn't back away. "That's.."

"What? What, Kyungsoo? That's normal because you can use some poor lesbian's feelings for you against her? Huh? Is that what you wanted to do from the beginning? Is that why you allowed yourself to use me?? Or maybe some of your friends put you up for this??"

Kyungsoo stops. What. "What? Feelings?"

"Or maybe you think we're disgusting because you can't accept that you like girls as well, and therefore can't understand that there's nothing wrong with how we—"

"Jongin, what fucking feelings!"

Jongin's on a verge of crying, angry tears slipping down as she wipes them off, too frozen to move. "It doesn't matter now. You're not what I thought you were.."

She finally moves from the bed and goes for the door, but Kyungsoo stops her. "Jongin! I thought you liked Krystal—"

"I'm sorry for everything. Really. It was never my intention to hurt you in any way.. And I hope you can learn to love yourself as well.."

And with that, Jongin leaves her alone, closing the door behind her. Kyungsoo finally breaks down, hyperventilating when she starts, realizing that she doesn't hate anything quite like she hates herself.

***

Kyungsoo tries calling her all week after that. Their school have a week off, allowing seniors to focus on their studies since the graduation is next month. But Kyungsoo can't focus on anything at all, not on her studies, not on the assignment she has due to next week, presenting with Jongin out of all people, and certainly not on her everyday life knowing that Jongin is hurt out there, probably blaming herself for everything. 

So she ditches everything, ignores her worried mother at the door and leaves the house altogether. Kyungsoo needs some time to think about it. 

And who is better for that than her best friends. But before she arrives at the café, she sees her. Kyungsoo gets stunned for a second, because she didn't expect to see her so soon, only a couple of days after everything took place back there at the party. 

Jongin hasn't answered any of her calls, but now that she sees her once again, Kyungsoo's not certain what to say whatsoever. She fears it would've been worse if Jongin did answer the calls. 

Kyungsoo tries to walk pass the group of friends of which she recognizes some of Jongin's close ones, but Jongin sees her before she's allowed to. Unfortunately, it's not Jongin that speaks first. 

"Soo cutie!" Kyungsoo gets shaken when Krystal walks across the little path that separates them and gives her a bear hug, like they've been friends forever. "Where are you heading? Wanna join us?"

Kyungsoo clears her throat when she looks up to find Jongin in the mass, but the girl is avoiding her eyes. "I was just.. going to a friend's café—"

"Oh, we were just trying to figure out what to do next. Can we join you instead?"

Without knowing how to say no, Kyungsoo's inability to turn people down brings the group to Byeongkwan's café in the next ten minutes, all huddled up around a single table for approximately five people, even though with Kyungsoo there, it's packed with seven people instead. It's stuffy, no matter the perspective.

Jongin is sitting across from her, but Kyungsoo can't reach her eyes no matter how long she tries. It's like the girl doesn't even want to give her the time of her day in the slightest, and Kyungsoo understands it. Perfectly. 

But that doesn't change the fact that Sehyoon comes to pick their order and ask about the group. After greeting Kyungsoo, he turns to Jongin next. "And I haven't seen you in so long, Jongin. How've you been?"

Before Jongin can answer, their friend—Kyungsoo still doesn't know his name—pips in instead. "How do you know Jongin? I know she's famous for a lot of things, but I didn't know she went for boys as well..." He cracks up with the rest of the boys around the table, sneaking a sleazy wink in Jongin's direction in the end. 

Sehyoon raises one eyebrow up and looks between Kyungsoo and Jongin, who covers a bit, clearly uncomfortable with the undertone that is clear to everyone who's even the slightest familiar with Jongin's situation. Which Kyungsoo doubts everyone is, since Krystal looks confused for a second, before slapping her boyfriend's hand for laughing. 

"I don't know what you meant, but she clearly doesn't go for you," Sehyoon winks at the boy in question, smiling like the softest angel afterwards, before going back to the counter with the orders in hand. Kyungsoo snickers at the cool down, looking up to meet Jongin's eyes, and luckily she finds Jongin already looking at her. 

But the contact is short-lived, because Jongin excuses herself and stands up in a search for a bathroom. Kyungsoo doesn't do the same because she doesn't care for anybody here and just stands up, following after her. She misses the owners of the café staring from the bar as both leave the table. 

They're left alone in the bathroom once Kyungsoo holds the door for an elderly lady to go out, nodding when she thanks her. Jongin's in the stall at the end, as Kyungsoo goes to check every other on her way to the back, and she only knocks once before Jongin cracks the door open. 

"Oh, it's you.." Kyungsoo licks at her lips, pushing the door to walk in, locking it behind her. "Did you expect someone else?"

Jongin shrugs, sitting down on the closed lid. "Krys, maybe."

Ouch. Kyungsoo lets it slide. "How are you?"

"How am I? What do you think?"

"That idiot is really—"

"I don't care what he says." Jongin picks at her nails, clearly nervous. Having been leaning on the door opposite of her, Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and pushes Jongin upwards, having the perfect opportunity to slip down to her lap and mount her with legs on both sides. 

Jongin isn't surprised, because her hands are on Kyungsoo's hips in the next moment, holding her there. Looking at her up close once again, Kyungsoo can't help but admire her beauty for everything that it is. Jongin's sporting a light makeup, maybe some lip-tint in the natural shade of her lips, some mascara and a thin line of eyeliner that ends in a cat eye on each side, but Kyungsoo can't get enough. 

Her cheeks are soft, peachy and sweet when she leans in and noses at the skin, not bearing to be so far away from her anymore. Jongin lets her do everything, staying quiet. 

"I miss—"

"Don't."

Kyungsoo looks up to meet Jongin's eyes, not expanding the space between them, basically breathing the same air, bridging the eye contact easily. They're so close to each other; Kyungsoo can actually count little specks of green splattered in her left eye. "Why?"

Instead of answering, Jongin's hands tighten around her waist, until she breaks them off, pushing them to her stomach instead. She's pushing her away; Jongin's pushing her away.

"You don't mean it."

Their eyes don't meet. Even when Kyungsoo pushes at the ground with the tips of her sneakers, and grabs at Jongin's neck, trying to see her face better. But Jongin doesn't allow it, and instead looks down to where she's positioned in her lap. 

"Jongin.. I—" But Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say. She wants to say so much, but on the other hand doesn't want to say anything. Maybe staying in this moment with Jongin, without anyone interrupting, is all that she ever wanted. 

Because Jongin makes her safe. Warm. Loved. In their own bubble of trust.

But Kyungsoo doubts she causes the same in Jongin's system.

Instead, Kyungsoo pulls her face up and kisses her, without thinking too much of it. Soft and slow, pressing her lips to mold with Jongin's, sucking on the lower one, tasting her favorite lipstick, realizing how much she missed it. Her. 

Jongin kisses back, contrary to what Kyungsoo's expected, but she doesn't do anything else. She just allows Kyungsoo to take a part of her, like she's willing to give at least that, and pulls back after a moment too long. Kyungsoo feels cold when Jongin stands up, pushing her off. 

They leave one after another with Jongin leading the way, and before any of them could cover, Krystal stands on the other side, visibly surprised that both are in the same stall. Kyungsoo also fears that she's red as a tomato, but Jongin brushes her off, leaving without saying anything. 

On the other hand, Kyungsoo is stopped by Jongin's friend, who wishes to ask something, judging by the soft shock on Krystal's face, But even her eventually apologizes and leaves after Jongin, not looking back. 

Nobody says anything when they go back to their table. The order is set on right sides around the flatness, and Kyungsoo can't even look up when somebody calls her name. 

"Are you single, Soo?" They're already using nicknames, and Kyungsoo doesn't even know the girl's name when she looks up surprised at the question. "I need a neutral opinion on something."

Jongin doesn't spare a glance when she's asked, and instead Kyungsoo nods, not knowing how to respond. Maybe she needs to say she's not in fact single, but she's not really in a relationship either. Krystal looks surprised at the answer though.

"Great! Tell me then..." Kyungsoo listens to the girl's question, trying to give a sincere answer, but short circuits when she's asked about her exes. 

"I don't really..." 

"What about your ex boyfriends?"

Kyungsoo gulps down when the whole table turns their attention at what she has to say, realizing that she doesn't have an answer that's plausible for everyone to hear. Because she has never dated. Anyone, for that matter. Especially not boys. 

The same boy that let his tongue loose when they first sat down is back with his antics, and he barely can contain his excitement when he spares a glance in Jongin's direction and asks. "Are you into girls as well?"

Not everyone realizes that he meant the 'as well' part with Jongin in thought, but neither asks for an explanation. And Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say. Is she? She is. She must be. But she shouldn't be. Or maybe—

"She's not." It's Jongin's first words ever since they sat down, almost half an hour ago, and something breaks harshly in Kyungsoo's chest when their eyes meet. Jongin's aren't soft, like the brown irises tend to be around her, but rather they seem distant. She seems distant.

"How can you be sure?"

Kyungsoo feels Krystal's eyes burning into her side profile, but she can't move or react in any way there is. The girl is textbook confused, for sure. Just as Kyungsoo is, but for different reasons. Jongin's wrong.

"I'm sure."

And Jongin stands up again, pushing some bills for her piece of the check in Krystal's hands, before leaving the café altogether. This time as well, Kyungsoo's close at her heels.

But Sehyoon stops her before she can exit. "Are you sure you know what to tell her?" They read her like an open book, but she doesn't dwell too much on it, not really wanting to go into explaining just yet. She's got better things to focus on. Like... 

Kyungsoo's stunned at the assumption, because when she looks at Jongin's retreating figure, she's not sure what her intentions were. "I don't know. I don't know anything.."

"Maybe we should have a talk. Kwan's in the back."

"Sorry, oppa. But I want to be alone for now."

Sehyoon gives her a brief hug before letting her go, a sad smile raising up his lips on one side. "We're always a phone call away, you know that."

Kyungsoo nods, waving as she goes, exiting and turning the corner to her house. Not knowing where Jongin went, or whether she's still around, Kyungsoo chooses to go home in the end, knowing how Jongin must feel. She possibly needs to be alone; both do, so Kyungsoo gives her at least that. It's enough to have seen her, at least. And she got to kiss her again, but only to terrorize herself even more. Both, for that matter. 

But she doesn't get too far because somebody yanks her hand when she steps outside, pulling her in the opposite direction from where her home is. 

Kyungsoo takes a second to realize who it is and another to calm down, because it's not anybody unknown to her. "Jongin?"

The other girl doesn't say anything and instead hails a cab, giving her address to the driver once both are safe inside of the vehicle. They don't speak at all, with Jongin paying for the fee, and dragging her to the front door when the man drives off, where she pulls her jacket off and leads her to the bedroom instead. 

Kyungsoo's back hits the bed the second they step into Jongin's bedroom, and in the next second she's being pushed down by Jongin herself when the girl straddles her, already having her lips on Kyungsoo's neck. She's quick, hurried, like there's not enough time for anything else. Kyungsoo doubts it's lust or love, because it seems as if it's more of a debt that Jongin feels in unnatural way towards her. 

"Jongin—"

But she doesn't get to say anything because Jongin shuts her up, picking at the shirt to pull it upwards, until Kyungsoo's left only in her bra. Jongin does the same with her shirt, pulling Kyungsoo's hands to palm her breasts, breathing out when their lips meet once again. 

"Hey, I don't—" But Kyungsoo doesn't get to say anything, moaning involuntarily when Jongin pushes her legs apart and presses a hand to her womanhood. 

"You like this,"

"I really don't. Jongin—"

They're kissing again, Jongin's tongue deep into her mouth, before she stops like being burned, removing herself completely from Kyungsoo, dropping down on the bed instead. She's winded, having just realized what she tried to do, already apologizing to Kyungsoo. 

Jongin starts almost crying, pent up frustration bubbling up to the surface as Kyungsoo hugs her from the back, smooshing her face into Jongin's shoulder. For comfort, for safety, for having yet another selfish moment with Jongin alone. Kyungsoo needs the hug just as much. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.. I thought you wanted this and I— Soo, I'm so sorry—"

"Shh! Nini, it's okay." Kyungsoo tries to hold her close, but Jongin's shaking, trying to handle her tears that breach faster than she could stop them. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, before Jongin wipes at her face after taking a deep breath, and tells her to dress and leave. 

"I can't give you what you want. What you came for.."

Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say. "I don't want that.. Not like this."

"If you want to use me and leave—"

"I never wanted that, Jongin, never—"

"Then why did you kiss me back there? Don't tell me you miss me."

Jongin turns around, the shift dropping Kyungsoo's arms from her shoulders, finally facing her eyes to eyes. And Kyungsoo can cry at the scene. It's miserable, really, the way she breaks herself in so many ways that she wasn't even aware of; but it's even worse to see the same damage being done to Jongin. 

And the latter hurts more. 

"I... wanted to kiss you, because I..." But her mind is blank once again. She tends to get like this around Jongin. And it frustrates her to no end. "Fucking— Jongin, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." They don't share anything else, as Jongin finally tears her eyes away and stands up, going for a change of clothes. "You should leave."

"What if I don't want to."

"Kyungsoo, don't make this harder than it's supposed to be." She sounds desperate, so fragile. "Please."

"I came to see you. I.. I didn't know where to find you.." Kyungsoo pulls the shirt over her head, pushing the hair out of her eyes. "It made me realize that I don't know much about you.."

Jongin sits on the recliner in the corner, staying quiet. Kyungsoo continues. "I know how you kiss. And how you taste. I know how to make you come—"

Jongin blinks, opening her lips softly. "And I know how you feel right now..." But she doesn't say anything, letting Kyungsoo have the word. Finally. 

"I know what movies you like, and what songs you can't stand to hear. How you like your coffee and how you can't drink it, but you still try each and every flavor on the menu. I know how to make you smile and you know how to make me the happiest I've ever been!" Jongin cracks a smile, but her eyes are sad. Filled to the brim. One blink and she's crying.

"You know so much about me too, probably more than anyone else, not even my best friend, not even my family, not even Baekhyun know so much... And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that you know all of the things that make me-me, but I'm not ready for anyone else to know the same as well..." Jongin looks to the side, keeping her face stoic. 

"I also know that we live in the society that keeps telling you you're wrong, and what you feel is wrong, but I... I also live in the same mindset, and 'have been for the past—my whole life, basically."

Jongin closes her mouth, and Kyungsoo sees the tremble in her chin. She feels the same tremble in her voice as well. "But I'm not brave like you, Jongin."

Kyungsoo tries to speak through her tears, but she could barely see Jongin at this point. She's drowning in her tears, in her prejudice, in her feelings. Because... "Nobody makes me feel like you do."

Jongin looks back at her, widening her gorgeous eyes for a moment, before she looks down, hiding her tears. She knows where this is going. 

"But I can't face people like this. Like— While— Because I'm—"

"You're gay."

"—confused." Kyungsoo blinks, wiping at her face, before she stands up and comes to face Jongin once again. "I'm confused, Jongin. This isn't me—"

"What's there to be confused about? Soo, this is what makes you-you! You said it yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, nothing!"

When Kyungsoo huffs out, turning her head away, Jongin's hands are on her both cheeks, keeping her close. She's whispering, barely containing her tears from swallowing her whole. She's desperate, Kyungsoo realizes. 

"Baby.. Soo! You are brilliant. And gorgeous, and kind, and smart and amazing and—" Kyungsoo tries to move away, this is too much for her to take on. "Hey! Hey..." Jongin doesn't even wipe her face as tears keep reaching each other, dropping down from her wet, red cheeks. Her eyes are wide, honest, dripping with honey and adoration. 

Kyungsoo doesn't deserve her. 

"You gotta believe me, Soo. You gotta stop and listen because.. because I'm here. I'm here, love. I'm here."

Jongin nuzzles into her cheeks, closing her eyes, because it's too much. It's too much of everything and she feels like she's losing her. Kyungsoo's already out of the door with one leg, and she needs for her to stay. To listen. To try. "Whenever, whatever, I'm here. We're not scared, baby. We're not to be broken. We're complete, we're happy, we're valuable! I'm your ride of die, baby. Please."

But Kyungsoo feels like she's breaking both hearts at the same time. And Jongin's hurts more. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispers, leaving a chaste kiss on Jongin's left eye, before she pulls away and drops Jongin's hands down. "I'm sorry.."

She doesn't even know what she's apologizing for. For pushing her away, tearing them apart or refusing to accept that she's different. But what even is being normal and being like the rest. It's all irrelevant when she looks back at Jongin and sees her completely broken. She did this; Kyungsoo did this. 

Jongin doesn't stop her when she takes her things and goes for the door. Jongin doesn't stop her when she closes the front door behind her, and stops to listen. What for, she doesn't know; she just knows that she stops and listens to the moment of when she finally fucked everything up. 

Her throat hurts when she tries to breathe in, her chest tightens when the light in Jongin's room dies down, and her knees bleed when she drops down and finally breaks down. 

***

Her father finds her first. Kyungsoo doesn't remember how she got home last night, she doesn't even remember where her phone was left at, but the morning finds her awake, laying down in her own bedroom. 

When she doesn't answer for the first couple of times when her mother calls for breakfast, it's her dad that comes to check upon her. And he doesn't say anything when she turns around, facing the wall. 

"Soo?" 

She hears the soft steps over the carpet, before her bed dips, and her father's comforting hand comes to brush her hair away from her face. She's been crying, hasn't stopped ever since she left Jongin's house, and her face looks sullen and swollen at the same time. 

It's obvious even for her dad, but he doesn't say anything just yet. They stay quiet for a minute or so, before her mother knocks and enters, hurrying them down for breakfast. 

"Soo's still sleeping, let her be. She spent the whole night studying." Kyungsoo hears her father lying for her, before her mother leaves them be without saying anything else. 

"Soo?"

This time, she turns around, burying her face into her father's side. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You had to lie to mom because of me,"

There's a warm hand at her nape, comforting her for something she doesn't deserve any remorse at all. "Nonsense," The man dismisses her almost immediately, raking his fingers through her messy bob next. "Can you tell me what is—"

"No!"

The fingers stop for a second, as she expect her father to stand up and leave, but after a deep sigh, the man continues to comfort her to the best of his ability. "Okay.. Okay."

"Is this about your grades? Because the last time I checked, your grades were top-notch—"

"It's not."

The man shuts up again. He has so many more questions left to be asked, but he doesn't want to overstep the boundaries. Kyungsoo has stopped crying, so that's a plus so far. He keeps on brushing her soft hair, trying to calm her down much like he used to, when she was just a little girl, and by the time the moment is calm and quiet, he starts humming some old ballad song that he remembers Kyungsoo used to enjoy. 

"Dad?"

"Hm?"

Kyungsoo closes her eyes, trying to go back to that moment of hearing the song before bedtime, finding her situation even worse when he opens her eyes and realizes how everything was back then. Without any problems, differences, sexualities and societal prejudice. 

"Do you love me?"

"Of course," The man stops humming in a heartbeat, continuing with the song once he answers. And like he knows something, adds. "No matter what."

On that, Kyungsoo actually sits up, facing him shyly. "What do you mean?"

Her father is still a handsome man, with short but lean built, small but soft face, strong eyebrows that she has a hassle with plucking the replica on her face every few days, arched nose and high cheekbones. His hair is still not in a receding process, even though most of his generation is losing hair and gaining guts. But, the years are visible in the streaks of gray hair on the sides, and some sunken wrinkles from laughing too much. 

He's had a happy life, he would answer the same if you asked, so Kyungsoo should have a way of saying what's really on her mind. 

"What is on your mind? What happened?"

Kyungsoo hides her eyes as she thinks about the tears on Jongin's face, on the tears on her own face, about their secret... about their feelings. 

"I like someone."

"Oh, that's a good thing, right?"

"You were supposed to hate it, dad." Kyungsoo chuckles, when the man puzzles for a second, thinking it through. 

"I guess I should, right?"

"You were always different from other parents, so it makes sense you react like this..." Kyungsoo shrugs, pushing her hair out of her eyes. It's getting a bit too hot for the following subject. 

Her dad waits for it as well, keeping quiet. 

"Well, did this someone hurt you?"

Kyungsoo is quick to shake her head. "No. I.. I hurt... them."

Her dad nods. "Okay, and how does that make you feel?"

"Horrible." She's being completely honest. She hurt more than just one person. 

"Did you apologize?"

"I don't think I can."

"Why? You can always apologize and make things right with talking about the problem. Don't you think?"

But Kyungsoo begs to differ. "It's not... that easy, I'm afraid."

She feels the prickle in her nose once again, but there's no stopping when she feels the remorse all over. "It's not easy and I don't think we have a way back— We didn't even have the chance to make it work before I ruined it with my insecurities, and with my..." But she trails off, not knowing what to say. Something in her chest tightens when she tries to talk, and her father is once again there to console her, to tell her that everything is fixable. 

"I'm sure she could understand if you try to explain it to her."

On that, she stops and raises her head, dead scared. "... Dad?"

There's a whisper followed by nothing else, until her dad breaks it, nodding his head. "I know you... don't like boys, Soo."

"... What?" She feels like the air is literally kicked out of her chest with the revelation and she isn't breathing when her father opens his mouth to explain. 

"You.. I tried to make it easier for you to talk about it, but you kept pushing us away, shielding your heart from everything, and I can't allow you to suffer anymore, hun. Both mom and I knew for a while, but we waited for you to come to us."

"I think I might be sick," Kyungsoo pushes out of the bed, barely catching herself before toppling over shaky legs, and stops to calm down when the room spins.

"Soo?"

"What did you— And mom— How?" She's so confused. The man on her bed looks like a foreign face when he starts talking, but she hears only the parts of it, not registering full sentences at all. Suddenly the room is too bright for her eyes. 

"You... kissed a girl... back in... and you said... liked it... but then we... and you... after some years... you didn't bring... boys home.. and we thought..." 

Her whole world spins, and suddenly, like being pulled to the pitch blackness, she succumbs to deep slumber.

***

"Kyungsoo?"

She slowly comes to her senses, feeling the warm palm on her forehead first, before she hears a soft voice calling her name, repeating a couple of times in a row.

"Hmm.."

"Kyungsoo!"

"I had the strangest dream.." Her mouth feel like cotton when she tries to speak, as she slowly opens her eyes. "You were in it..." Kyungsoo trails off, finding both parents beside her bed, worried out of their skin.

"You don't have to call the doctor," She hears her father telling her mother, before there's silence once again, and she's curious to open her eyes once again.

"What happened?"

"You fainted, Soo!"

There's another voice, distant from her parents', and when Kyungsoo opens her eyes again, she sees Baekhyun instead. "How are you feeling? You were out for almost ten minutes!"

Her mom comes to kiss her forehead, feeling if she has a fever, before informing Baekhyun how they're right outside if anything happens. Once the door closes, Baekhyun drops down next to her, touching her face all over.

"Are you crazy? What the hell happened, Kyungsoo? We were worried sick!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I just rang the doorbell when your frightened mom opened. We both found you on the floor,"

"Where was dad?" Kyungsoo tries to remember everything and she does, as Baekhyun continues.

"He was trying to wake you up. Soo? What happened?"

Kyungsoo looks down to her hands, realizing that her bad habit of picking at her cuticles made a bloody mess on her right thumb. She's nervous, yet again. "I talked to my dad, and I—"

"No, with Jongin."

She must've paled once again, because Baekhyun brings her hands up, ready to slap her if she goes under once again. "Focus on me, and breathe! Breathe Soo! Relax!"

"How did you—"

"Jongin called me last night. She told me to check upon you."

And Kyungsoo feels like crying. Which she tries to suppress, because she's drained already. But thinking how much Jongin cared for her to actually call Baekhyun, who didn't know anything—Kyungsoo then realizes how she pushed her best friend out and haven't checked with her anything that has happened and feels even worse.

"Baek, I'm sorry. I wasn't there for you and—"

"It's the other way around, Soo." This time Baekhyun lowers her head down, hiding her face as her bottom lip tremble and answers instead of her. "I needed a complete stranger to tell me that something was wrong with my best friend..."

Kyungsoo tries to hug her, not knowing how to fix anything. She's so goddamn confused and out of her mind for thinking how the things could just magically work out on their own. But life doesn't happen like that. So she tries. At least she needs to start somewhere.

"Baek.. What did Jongin tell you?"

"She's not a complete stranger, after all, right?"

Kyungsoo takes everything she has and promptly nods. "I need to tell you something."

It's like Baekhyun already knows, but she needs to hear it from Kyungsoo herself. "I.. fell in love."

"And I guess not with Sam, am I right?" Baekhyun's sentence sounds overbearing, but she's smiling, widely so when Kyungsoo looks back at her. "Oh, you dummy! What to do with you!"

Kyungsoo feels like crying all over, but happy-crying this time around, because Baekhyun hugs her tight, squeezing her 'till she's out of breath, laughing when Kyungsoo complains about it.

"Oh, shut up! I should kill you for not trusting me. Or kill myself instead." She licks her lips, finding Kyungsoo's eyes easily as she turns serious in a second of thinking it through. "Soo, I'm sorry."

"Don't—"

"But I have to! I pushed that Sam onto you without even realizing how that must've felt... I'm so dumb for thinking you could—"

"I'm sorry for not telling you. I couldn't deal with it myself and I tried to push... everyone out. You didn't know, Baek."

"But I shouldn't have assume anything, either. If only I knew..."

They share a moment of understanding, because somehow they both bear a weight of the situation at hand, knowing how things could've been played out differently if only they talked about it openly. Just because Baekhyun's straight, doesn't mean that Kyungsoo is as well.

"I think I might be bi, though."

Or not.

"Baek?"

Baekhyun bursts out laughing, nudging her shoulder with twinkly eyes. "Like you haven't thought about kissing me, please. I'm irresistible."

"Ew, no!"

They share a laugh, before Baekhyun calms down, getting serious all of a sudden. "But you thought about kissing Jongin."

"At first yeah.. But then I did get to kiss her and..." She's blushing, Kyungsoo's sure. 

"And~?"

"... Wow!" Kyungsoo turns all giggly, and she never turns giggly! Embarrassed, maybe, but never like this. Baekhyun has to stop herself physically from squishing both plump, maroon cheeks 'till Kyungsoo bursts!

"If you feel like this about kissing, what would happen when you do something else.." Baekhyun comments offhandedly, taking her phone out for a quick message. She needs to inform one person about Kyungsoo's state. Jongin's probably worried as well.

"Um.. well... We.." Kyungsoo doesn't know how to say it. Luckily, Baekhyun catches up quickly.

"You didn't! Soo!"

Baekhyun jumps onto her, squealing into her ears loudly, because. "You're not a virgin anymore!"

"Baek!"

"Sorry, sorry! But tell me! Everything!!"

And Kyungsoo does. She tells her about their first time and how nervous she was. But also how Jongin made her feel at ease, how slow and patient she was, how soft and gentle she was also, and how Kyungsoo thinks she fell for the girl even before that, but really realized it at that moment. "I'm telling you, she's so..."

"Perfect?"

"Right."

Baekhyun waits for an explanation.

"She's soft and gentle, but rough when she needs to be... And so warm and patient, and she smells so nice, and she tastes even better and—" She rambles on, not even realizing it at first. 

"You're in love, Soo. I get it," Baekhyun laughs and Kyungsoo hears it from someone else for the first time.

Her heart surges to her throat. "Baek? Am I?"

"What?"

"Normal? Can I love her? Can I love another girl?"

"Of course you can!"

And it's not Baekhyun's voice that answers, but rather her mother's, as she walks into the room, leaving her father to stand at the doorway. 

Baekhyun moves for her mom to sit down instead, and Kyungsoo feels small and vulnerable when her mother's eyes well up with tears.

"My sweetheart, my beautiful Kyung!" Kyungsoo feels the lodge in her throat when her mom speaks through her tears, holding both of her hands in hers. "I'm so sorry for not realizing it sooner. This could've been so much easier on you if only I—"

"Mom, it's not your fault."

"But it is! Soo, I can't even count how many times I spoke ill of the community you should be proud to be a part of.. How many times I told you bad things about.. about you, oh my god! I didn't even know how many times I offended you, baby, and all while you battled with your own identity—"

Kyungsoo cuts her off, pulling her mom in a bear hug, feeling her tears as well as the woman weeps in her arms, shaking from the intensity of it all. The realization must be hard for her as well, as her father shares the sentiment; Kyungsoo finding his worries eyes when she looks to the side. 

Baekhyun is looking outside the window, visibly shaking from letting her down as well. Even if they already talked about it, the heaviness of hurting somebody really close, somebody you wished nothing else but to protect and love no matter what... Everyone feels the blow. 

But it's Kyungsoo who's opening her mouth first after a stretched silence. "Mom, dad—" She looks to Baekhyun when she turns around, listening to whatever she's got to say. "—Baekhyun."

And after a big breath in.

"I'm gay."

Fresh, hot tears string at the corners of her eyes, and when she blinks, they wash away the worry, embarrassment and self-doubt all in one moment. She feels like she's floating, like everything is out in the open; like she finally meeting herself, for what she is, for what she's worth. She's standing on top of the highest building, holding her weight with one hand on the railing, and she's flying. The sky is not the limit. 

"And I'm in love."

***

Kyungsoo doesn't get in touch with Jongin for the next couple of days. She doesn't know what to say, once again, but it's not because she's confused, or worried, but rather her anxiety is acting up, making her think she will mess up either way. 

So she tries to focus on her studies, tries to pass all the exams they have at the end of the school year, and thinks about her future in the mess of it all. But she keeps seeing Jongin in it as well, and she realizes she needs to talk to her urgently. Like as soon as possible.

But that soon doesn't come until the next week, in the form of their one of the shared classes, but the most important one - the one that brought them together in the first place. It's also the last class of the year, and everybody buzzes with the last assignment that ought to hold half of their grade, each and everyone nervous out of their skin.

This is also one of the toughest subjects, not only for this year, but their whole studying, so it's only natural to feel pressured. But somehow, Kyungsoo doesn't feel the weight of the situation. Baekhyun envies her. 

"How are you so calm?! I feel like I'm seconds from pissing my pants—"

"Hello, everyone. Please take your seats."

Kyungsoo looks around when the professor arrives, in a search for someone who's very much needed. 

"I hope you're ready for the last assignment."

The professor asks if there are any volunteers, and Kyungsoo lets some students on the right to go first. She can wait a bit longer.

"That was... insightful. Thank you for that," Everybody claps when another couple of students finish, having been talking about history and how we have to learn it in order not to make the same mistakes, before the professor marks their theme and calls the next couple to stand up. 

"Doh Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin, please come forward."

Kyungsoo stands up on her own, walking to the front, when the professor stops her, clearly surprised. "Where is Miss Kim?"

"She told me to start without her, if it's possible. She's going to be a bit late."

"Okay. I expect her to show up soon, Miss Doh."

Kyungsoo nods, like it's on her whether Jongin's coming or not, and stands in front of everybody. 

"Did you bring any presentation or a board—"

"Uh, I didn't. Is that a problem?"

The professor takes a seat on the first desk in the right row and tilts his head to the side. Everyone has something of additional material that holds their theme, explaining the sides and theories more precisely, but she's got nothing. They haven't really made time for the presentation, and the theme was different when they first started, but Kyungsoo has another idea. 

"It's not, of course. You can start whenever you feel ready, Miss Doh."

"Thank you, Sir."

The man crosses his hands when she takes a deep breath and briefly glances at Baekhyun who mouths 'fighting!' softly. 

Kyungsoo looks around the class and lifts her head higher when she starts. "Today.. I wanted to talk about something that's really important to me— as I think it could be to everyone, really. Our theme was different when we first started, but then it got changed into something else... Something personal."

She doesn't look at the professor, for the man stays quiet, but she feels his gaze setting deep on her side profile. 

"Before I start, I have a question for everybody. Have you ever felt like you're not... good enough?" The class silences. "Like you're not quite like the rest of the people around you; like you have a secret so heavily harboring your mind and heart that it stops you from living your life to the fullest?"

Nobody answers, of course, since she asks more in a rhetorical way, but she has everyone's attention. 

"And no matter how you approach it, it still leaves you wondering if you'll ever be good enough— brave enough to face it on your own. And by the time you blow it out of the proportions, it's not just your problem anymore. It's your parents', best friends', lovers'.." 

Just at that moment, the door opens softly, and ever so ethereal Jongin walks in, not disturbing anyone from listening. Kyungsoo's the only one that sees her. She secretly smiles when Jongin seems confused on why she's standing in front of everybody, but she doesn't move even when the professor looks back at her. 

"I always felt like something was off with me. Ever since my first kiss back in kindergarten, underneath a slide that was too big for anyone to see us.. But somebody did! And they told my parents how I had my first kiss!"

Kyungsoo smiles, feeling comfortable to talk about it for the first time in forever. Baekhyun's grinning when she takes a glance in her direction.

"Now, you're probably wondering why is this important to even me, let alone to any of you, but I'm here to tell you that I know how it feels." She still has everyone's attention, and that alone is an accomplishment in her book. 

"I was taught, unintentionally so, how to live my life. The right way." She makes air quotes with her fingers. "How to speak, how to dress, how to find love." She glances at Jongin, but her face is still void of anything. "There wasn't any reason for me to doubt that. Not when everyone followed certain rules, lived their lives the way they were supposed to, all the while being happy with everything. With their normal lives, with their normal thoughts."

"You can imagine the shock I had when my teacher told me how I couldn't kiss whoever I wanted! And I was only six years old. I didn't know anything! At all. Especially how I—a girl—couldn't kiss other girls."

There's a few soft gasps around the classroom, but she looks out for Jongin's reaction first. Her eyes widen, she sees the change even at this distance, and Kyungsoo smiles, honestly so, like she's saying 'it's okay. I'm ready', which she is. Probably not completely, but enough to do this.

"I had a best friend that was told she was a slut because she liked to have fun with boys." Baekhyun actually snickers on that. "But she didn't care for other people's opinion, because she felt comfortable in her own skin to live the way she intended to. Her body count had nothing to do with her worth!"

"I have a brother that was told he couldn't be a café owner just because he was uneducated. He was told that he couldn't possibly know anything about maintaining a business, without a proper degree to hold his knowledge, and that he was facing a failure no matter what he tried. Both he and his boyfriend have been the proud owners of a successful café for the last seven years, thanks to their hard work and dedication. And not listening to other people's opinions!"

Kyungsoo doesn't take too much in between, wanting to remember everything. Truth be told, she's speaking from the heart, having not prepared beforehand.

"My dad was told how he couldn't marry a girl from a poor family, because she could never be with him out of love. And my mother was told how she couldn't marry a rich guy, because he would want to use her in any way there is, based solely on being the only breadwinner of the family." She looks around the classroom, finding understanding in the eyes of her classmates.

"My parents have been married for twenty three years, and for the first couple of years of my childhood, my mother was actually earning more money than my dad, and he never ever resented her for it."

She smiles at the thought, remembering how much her parents love each other. "In fact, whenever he talks about her, he likes to say how she was his muse, and his inspiration for every step of the way. And she gets embarrassed, blushing like I probably do whenever somebody compliments me—" That makes Jongin smirk, knowing the full effect of Kyungsoo's blushes the best. 

"My knowledge on certain things was limited from the start. I could only see couples that were a boy and a girl, then a man and a woman, and that made me confused. Who was I then? Why couldn't I see myself in the same equation, and dream about having a husband, a white picket fence and two children running around."

Kyungsoo looks around the class, trying to decipher if anybody is bored, angry or listening just out of politeness, but she finds nothing but pure curiosity, mixed with some occasional awes and amazement. 

"Well, I have a simple solution. That equation sucks! Maybe some of us want to live in the highest skyscraper, in the busiest town in the world, with two dogs, or cats, instead. Maybe some of us want to have million children instead of two, or a house on top of the hill, where no fence could ever match the trees that surround it instead. And maybe some of us can't bear children, and are okay with that."

Kyungsoo finally looks at their professor, and the man seems hesitant, like she hit the nail on the head. She doesn't go deeper than that, and instead moves to something else. 

"You aren't told what music to listen to, what talents to have, what food to be allergic to, and you certainly aren't told how to love... So why are we told who to love? Why does it matter? Who has a problem with people loving each other? Who benefits if I marry a rich man and have two children with him? Who benefits if I move in a two-story house and work from nine to five?"

This is her moment, but she can't help but look at Jongin, wanting nothing more than to run to her and kiss her really deep! Jongin must feel the same, because she looks back with pure adoration. 

"Nobody, let me tell you. Not my parents, because they don't care who I love. They only care about my happiness, and loving someone freely makes me happy! Also, certainly not me, because that's not who I am! That is a version of me that the society creates. Sociably acceptable version that couldn't even come close to how I really am." 

"Because I'm so much more than just the color of my skin, the length of my hair, the way I walk and talk, my weight and height... much more than my sexuality."

She feels like her head is in the clouds, like she let go of that railing from the tallest building and she's finally free. All of this; this talk, these feelings, the tremor in her voice, the tremble in her fingers is what makes this moment hers. 

"I want you to know that certain things, no matter how small or grand they seem to be, are what makes you special. What makes you stand out in someone's eyes. In your own eyes! Your experiences and what comes to them aren't wrong, just because they don't conform to the society." 

"We're not made from the same mold, we're not here to have just one single, same purpose that doesn't benefit us and only us. We're so much more than what other expect us to be, to become. We feel, speak, yell, scream, sing, dance, eat, dream, sleep and love in completely different ways. And that's more than okay! That's perfect!"

Her cheeks are wet under her eyes, but she can't stop. Not when she's just there. At the end of her talk. But at the beginning of her story. 

"I love color blue and yellow, and their differences, but also how they mix and create something new each time, depending on how much blue or yellow you use. You wouldn't hate me for liking both yellow and blue, and I would never hate you for loving green and purple. So why do we allow to hate based on much bigger, greater, meaningful things? It might seem like you're alone, invalidated, just because you don't bend the same way, you don't behave or think the same way like the rest, or because your story doesn't match the stories of others... But you're not alone. Everybody feels like that."

There are a couple of students who are there with her, through it all, feeling it all, reliving their fears and wants, too. And she's there with them. Nobody is alone. 

"I was born as a girl. Or rather, that was said to my parents when I was born, based on nothing but how my genitals appeared to the doctor. And he couldn't have known if I would identify as a girl as well; for he couldn't know my soul, my desire or chromosomal makeup. So why would I identify as anything else that people try to push on me when they don't even try to get to know me? Why would anyone take a look at me and say whatever they see, when it's not like that? Why would I allow them to stich me to their desires?"

Kyungsoo takes another deep breath, shifting her focus on everyone individually. 

Somebody in the back row raises their hand, and the professor calls their name, allowing them to speak.

"I was told many times how my tattoos would look ugly once I grow old, and how would I explain them to my kids. But I would love them even on my wrinkly skin, as should my kids, because they're a part of me. And I would teach my children not to judge people in any way there is! Especially not how they choose to express themselves."

Kyungsoo smiles when the student sits down, feeling more than happy, more than ecstatic to witness a change.

Somebody else raises their hand, until almost everyone in the class have something to say, some part of them to share with the class, with even Baekhyun pushing her hand high up in the air.

Kyungsoo feels like her theme didn't matter at the beginning of the class, but now there's nothing that matters more, because it made people free, courageous to speak out, to create their own place in the world instead. 

"My name is Doh Kyungsoo. I like the color blue and yellow. I was born as a girl, but I wasn't born to be somebody's wife and a mother. I was born into this life to be Kyungsoo, to be me. Nothing else. And I plan on living my life to just that, without allowing anyone to put labels, expectations and limitations onto me. I hope you find yourself as well. In whatever world, time, people, lovers, books, movies, careers, buildings... I hope you find yourself. And I hope you're happy. Thank you!"

The class erupts in loud claps and hollers, and Kyungsoo doesn't wait any longer as she hurries pass everyone, right into Jongin's arms. She doesn't care that everyone can see her. Not anymore.

Jongin has only a second to catch her, before Kyungsoo kisses her deep and long, crying out when Jongin kisses back. 

"I'm sorry! For everything! Please, can we.. can we talk?"

But Jongin kisses her again, shaking her head. 

"You.. I think I'm in love with you!"

Kyungsoo laughs out loud at the mention of love, realizing that she's there already! Unintentionally so, she pushed it to the side, not knowing what the feeling represented. But now when Jongin pushed into focus... She gets it.

"I can't even begin to explain how much..."

Jongin's face splits in half with impish glee, before she's sweeping Kyungsoo up, kissing her hard! Yeah, they will be just right.

\- "That was amazing! I wish somebody told me this earlier!"

"My mascara is ruined, oh god, but I don't care.."

\- "Oh my God, they are kissing!"

"That's hot, actually!"

"Sam!!"

\- "I think I might be gay too!"

"That is actually awesome, you know! I didn't know that, but thank you for telling me."

"You're my best friend after all."

"Just that...?"

\- "I feel the same way!"

"For the record, I think your tattoos are awesome!"

"Thank you~"

\- "Okay, that's it! 

….

"Everybody gets an A!"

"Baby?"

"Yes, Ji?"

"You just caused a revolution!"

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a part of something personal. I hope you enjoy it!~


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